Poo pa­troller - strange but nec­es­sary?

South Waikato News - - OPINION /KI O¯ KU NEI WHAKAARO - By PETRICE TAR­RANT,

Ed­i­tor South Waikato News The more I think about it the more I gig­gle inside - se­ri­ously, how many towns have had to hire a ded­i­cated poo pa­troller to look out for self­ish, lit­tle (pre­sum­ably) im­be­ciles who en­joy tak­ing the phrase ‘‘drop­ping the kids off at the pool’’ to a whole new level?

Nec­es­sary, per­haps, but hi­lar­i­ously ridicu­lous.

Not the fae­ces part - not for one mo­ment do I find it funny that some­one CHOOSES to poo in a pub­lic pool. But you have to see the sil­ver lin­ing - it has cre­ated em­ploy­ment.

Just have a quick lit­tle google search of the coined phrase ‘poo pa­troller’ and you’ll see a va­ri­ety of job de­scrip­tions emerge but none that de­pict an em­ployee with an eye well­trained to as­sess strained fa­cial ex­pres­sions.

That is NOT be­cause the con­cept of poo­ing in a town pool is rare though.

I bet swimming pool work­ers all over the coun­try are fa­mil­iar with code brown pro­to­col although I imag­ine it is nor­mally the pad­dling pool rid­dled with un­der- 5s that gets un­in­ten­tion­ally tar­geted most.

But hir­ing a poo pa­troller is a whole new level.

Des­per­ate times call for des­per­ate mea­sures and the South Waikato Dis­trict Coun­cil was in quite the predica­ment, I mean eight in­ci­dences in one month.

Cu­dos to them, they have given the weasley cul­prits the ben­e­fit of the doubt by hand­ing out a few in­for­ma­tive fly­ers - as if th­ese clowns have not been ed­u­cated on the ap­pro­pri­ate and in­ap­pro­pri­ate places to go toi­let.

And as ex­tra se­cu­rity the coun­cil now has some­one march­ing the side­walks, scan­ning the area for...for what?

I would re­ally love to get my hands on that job de­scrip­tion or would I? And what if he or she made a dud as­sump­tion? Be­ing falsely ac­cused of poo­ing in the town pool is by far one of the more ak­ward as­sump­tions to get wrong when point­ing the fin­ger.

But what else could the coun­cil do? I mean they would have been well within their rights to force us all into a pair of Lit­tle Swim­mers on en­try.

Now that would have been a sight to be­hold.

Petrice Tar­rant

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