become feminists when they have daughters or marry women is maddening.
If you have to have a daughter to be a feminist, or to understand why women are important, then your values are skewed. You should have a stake in the game because it’s the decent thing to do, not because you’ve now literally got a stake in the game.
Whether it’s intended or not, this language and rationale is all about defining women and their worth by their relationship to men, when caring about women’s rights should be a simple matter of decency. The truth of the matter is that being a woman was hard before your daughter was born, and it would still be hard if she weren’t.
As far as I’m concerned, there are and should only be two requirements to being a feminist:
1) You believe in equality for men and women and that neither should be discriminated against because of their gender, and
2) You’re comfortable in Birkenstocks, or at least comfortable with other people being comfortable with Birkenstocks.
Father to a daughter, or husband to a wife, is not and never will be, one of the criteria.