I think I’m addicted to porn on the internet. I’m in a relationship but don’t live with my partner, although we are talking about me moving into her place.
She’s not all that interested in sex and I have trouble reaching orgasm with her, but if I look at porn it turns me on very quickly. I would like to break the habit of looking at porn and concentrate on a better time with my partner. What do you suggest? She’s not interested and you’re hooked on porn – that’s a challenging beginning! Why are you two together? Hopefully there are more strengths in this relationship than you’re revealing here.
Porn is designed for a quick turn-on. Real sex with an ongoing partner is quite different. To get great pleasure out of it you both have some interesting and rewarding learning ahead. Start yours by finding out how porn and quick DIYs are serving you.
Each time you feel the urge, take five minutes to check in with yourself and see what needs you’re trying to meet by getting turned on.
Are you simply horny and wanting relief or are you bored? Uptight and needing to relax or zone out? Lonely but not confident you can connect in a satisfying way? A bit down or not feeling OK about yourself and needing a boost?
Consider whether you have better ways to meet your need and try acting on those.
If at the end of five minutes you still want to masturbate to porn, do so with full awareness that you’re touching yourself while looking at images of others when you’d rather be making love to your partner.
It’s not uncommon for men used to masturbating to porn to have trouble ejaculating during intercourse and the cure is to stop masturbating for at least a month so your penis and your brain can become accustomed to a different kind of stimulation. Nothing will fall off or explode if you don’t have an orgasm for a month.
You may or may not be able to stop using porn without professional help. When you can learn to focus on and be turned on by a real woman, your partner may become more interested in having sex with you. If not, but she’d like to, share this column and your learning with her and ask her to write to me. Why are some books and movies marketed so strongly to a female audience when all of us might enjoy them, wonders I read the book The Devil Wears Prada on a beach once. It was light and trashy and I thoroughly enjoyed it – but I didn’t want anybody to see what I was reading so I was careful to hide its cover.
I was reminded of this on a plane the other day. I saw another guy reading Liane Moriarty’s Big Little Lies (now popular thanks to the Reece Witherspoon-Nicole Kidman mini-series) with his hand firmly placed over the title for the entire flight.
I recognised the book cover, of course, because I’ve read it too – in the privacy of my own bedroom.
Such novels fit into a category called “chick lit”, aka literature targeted at a female audience.
How is it possible to get away with this term? It’d never be acceptable to call Jack Reacher or Jason Bourne novels “dude fiction”.
When I take the concept apart,part, this idea – that certain literary ry content is of interest to one gender – is offensive to both women and men. Who’s to say a romantic storyline, a psychological thriller with a strong female protagonist or ra a bit of light comedy are the sole ole domains of women readers? ?
Book publishers, that’s who. o. That’s why these books almost ost always feature pink, purple or lipstick-red text on their covers.ers.
I take umbrage at romanticc comedy films being marketed ed in the same way. Colin Firth is fantastic, no matter what he’s ’s in. You won’t put me off seeing him on the silver screen because the title of Bridget Jones’s Baby by is in shades of fuchsia. Just because I want to chuckle at some Brit humour set to the tune of Ellie Goulding, doesn’t mean I’m less of a man. Why does my alternative for a laugh have to be some abysmally-written Adam S Sandler Netflix movie? Book Books are supposed to be egalita egalitarian. They’re accessible despit despite geographic borders, and all you need is a library membe membership to read them for free. To pu push some forms of literature to a particularp group is to exclu exclude others from an unfa unfamiliar experience. An And isn’t that the point of read reading? To educate yourself abo about things that aren’t part of youry normal life? To gain oth other perspectives? M Maybe it takes a very bold and secure man to read so-called chic chick lit. Now I think about it, I’d ar argue that he who brandishes afa fresh copy of the latest Gillian Flynn or Jodi Picoult is perhaps the most secures in his masculinity.