Sex ad­vice

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - PRESPECTIVES -

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend who is 18. I find him hot – he’s got a great body and beau­ti­ful eyes. When he looks at me I feel like I’m melt­ing.

I’m 17 and a vir­gin but I have ex­plored my body. I can give my­self an or­gasm and know when I’m turned on, and that’s hap­pen­ing a lot now. He has had sex once with a girl when they were both drunk. He’s mas­tur­bated to porn quite a lot. We’ve talked about all this and how much I don’t want to be com­pared to a porn ac­tor or used like one.

I be­lieve he does grasp that mak­ing love with some­one you re­ally care about can be very dif­fer­ent to what he’s seen and had, but nei­ther of us are re­ally sure if we know how to go about that. We know which bit goes where and to use con­tra­cep­tion, but what else should we know? You are di­vine and know more than many about your own arousal, how to hold your power and to ask clearly for what you want. Savour this spe­cial time, move slowly to­gether into ex­plor­ing sen­su­al­ity.

Feed each other a piece of fruit and de­scribe what it tastes like, revel in a piece of choco­late melt­ing in your mouth, smell a flower or herb with your eyes closed and de­scribe it to each other, run your hands over the dif­fer­ent tex­tures of grass, con­crete, steel. When you each wash or mois­turise your own body lav­ish it with your love and ac­cep­tance.

Then, when you’re both ready and can pro­vide a pri­vate, com­fort­able space and plenty of time, do some sen­sual ex­per­i­ments on each other, dis­cover what kinds of touch and where each en­joys, and what it feels like to ca­ress.

A good kiss is in­cred­i­bly in­ti­mate and re­quires lots of learn­ing about what each other de­sires. Hy­giene mat­ters, as does keep­ing your body re­laxed, start­ing gently, grad­u­ally build­ing up and con­vey­ing your feel­ings through your kisses. Let the tips of your tongues play with each other. Be guided by each other’s body lan­guage and be hon­est about what you do and don’t like.

Only move into in­ter­course when all parts of both of you are yelling “Yes” and you can’t wait any longer.

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