Sex ad­vice with Mrs Sal­is­bury

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - PERSPECTIVES -

I have just turned 60. I’ve had a very sex­ual life and now that ev­ery­thing has dried up (the nurse’s term last time I had a smear test) I re­ally find it a chore to [ap­ply lu­bri­ca­tion] and pre­tend that the juices still flow. I have a friend re­turn­ing from the UK af­ter five years and I know sex will be some­thing he wants. Do you think that I can make the juices flow by pre­tend­ing, and keep him happy? I love him in ev­ery other way. I al­most know what you are go­ing to say, about touch­ing etc but it’s hard and I am used to liv­ing on my own.

Do you want sex or not? It doesn’t sound like you’re hang­ing out for it or even gen­tly want­ing it, rather you need to keep your friend happy. Pre­tend­ing would in­deed be a chore and is not to be rec­om­mended at all!

While age­ing brings a drop in oe­stro­gen for women, re­sult­ing in a drier vulva and vagina, that doesn’t have to mean the end of de­sire and arousal. Per­haps hor­monal surges have been your ma­jor launch pad for sex in the past and without them you’ve lost touch of all the ways you are still juicy and can stir arousal and in­ter­est in sex.

Are you look­ing af­ter your body, stay­ing well, fit and ac­tive? Can you still en­joy in­hab­it­ing your body? Do you have me­mories of plea­sur­able sex, favoured fan­tasies or ac­cess to erot­ica that turns you on when you’re in the right mood?

First and fore­most do this for your­self – re­claim your sex­ual en­ergy and get to know its 60-year-old form. En­gage in some DIY to re-en­gage the neu­ral path­ways of arousal and get the blood pump­ing again. You may also need to iden­tify and clear out any old myths you find about sex for the over-60s.

Ul­ti­mately though, no mat­ter how much you love this friend, gift him your hon­esty and say no to sex if you do not want it.

En­dur­ing un­wanted sex to please a part­ner or keep the peace is one sure way to kill off your li­bido.

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