Sex advice with Mrs Salisbury
I have just turned 60. I’ve had a very sexual life and now that everything has dried up (the nurse’s term last time I had a smear test) I really find it a chore to [apply lubrication] and pretend that the juices still flow. I have a friend returning from the UK after five years and I know sex will be something he wants. Do you think that I can make the juices flow by pretending, and keep him happy? I love him in every other way. I almost know what you are going to say, about touching etc but it’s hard and I am used to living on my own.
Do you want sex or not? It doesn’t sound like you’re hanging out for it or even gently wanting it, rather you need to keep your friend happy. Pretending would indeed be a chore and is not to be recommended at all!
While ageing brings a drop in oestrogen for women, resulting in a drier vulva and vagina, that doesn’t have to mean the end of desire and arousal. Perhaps hormonal surges have been your major launch pad for sex in the past and without them you’ve lost touch of all the ways you are still juicy and can stir arousal and interest in sex.
Are you looking after your body, staying well, fit and active? Can you still enjoy inhabiting your body? Do you have memories of pleasurable sex, favoured fantasies or access to erotica that turns you on when you’re in the right mood?
First and foremost do this for yourself – reclaim your sexual energy and get to know its 60-year-old form. Engage in some DIY to re-engage the neural pathways of arousal and get the blood pumping again. You may also need to identify and clear out any old myths you find about sex for the over-60s.
Ultimately though, no matter how much you love this friend, gift him your honesty and say no to sex if you do not want it.
Enduring unwanted sex to please a partner or keep the peace is one sure way to kill off your libido.