Sex ad­vice

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - ADVICE -

My hus­band is 70 and I am 62 and we are both fit and healthy. We have had a very ac­tive and sat­is­fy­ing sex life for the ma­jor­ity of our 40-year re­la­tion­ship. How­ever, over the past three or so years, I have lost the de­sire to have sex and he has trou­ble main­tain­ing an erec­tion. As phys­i­cal in­ti­macy has al­lowed us to get through many hur­dles over the years, we see it as a very im­por­tant and en­joy­able part of our lives. Do you have any ad­vice/read­ing ma­te­rial etc for us to move past this and once again en­joy an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship? Great aim! I whole­heart­edly agree it is valu­able for var­i­ous rea­sons to nav­i­gate your way through the changes and chal­lenges of ag­ing in or­der to keep your sex­u­al­ity and sex­ual con­nec­tion alive.

The abil­ity to get and main­tain erec­tions can de­cline with age, like so many of our other ca­pac­i­ties. Of­ten di­rect on­go­ing stim­u­la­tion like stroking is re­quired for what may have pre­vi­ously arisen spon­ta­neously. Other fac­tors that can in­ter­fere with erec­tions in­clude ill­ness, med­i­ca­tions, stress, pain, a drop in testos­terone, smok­ing and al­co­hol con­sump­tion.

Has your hus­band talked to his GP about what may be caus­ing his erec­tile prob­lems and whether he’s safe to try one of the med­i­ca­tions to aid blood flow into his pe­nis? If it’s a plumb­ing prob­lem im­pact­ing on his erec­tions, drugs like Vi­a­gra can help, once you two adapt to the need to plan ahead a lit­tle.

With or with­out drugs, you can both recharge de­sire AD­VICE and arousal by re­view­ing what is plea­sur­able and ex­cit­ing now. Changes in de­sire and arousal pat­terns are nor­mal as hor­mone lev­els de­cline, but you can find new ways to nur­ture your sex­ual selves.

You may choose to by­pass in­ter­course and spend ages kiss­ing, stroking and im­mers­ing your­selves in each other un­til you lose touch with where your body be­gins and ends. It’s still pos­si­ble to have an or­gasm with­out an erec­tion. With less fo­cus on in­ter­course and gen­i­tals, cou­ples of­ten find new eroge­nous zones. Try new times of the day and new lo­ca­tions for love­mak­ing, too. You may find Joan Price’s Naked At Our Age a good book to read to­gether.

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