I have been with my partner for around 18 months and, like someone wrote to you a while ago, it feels like she doesn’t want me. I do all the work and feel like I’m pressuring her for sex. If I leave it, I don’t get any sex; if I try, she doesn’t want to. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but any help would be appreciated. Have a “Can we work on this together?” conversation, where you explain in a non-critical way that having a pleasurable sex life matters very much to you, that you would really enjoy feeling desired and the last thing you want to do is to be pressuring her into sex. Keep in mind that many people grow up with minimal sex education and there’s so much to know. Learning about sex together can be a fabulous beginning for a relationship – once you use communication to get through the awkward times.
Explore feelings about sex, preferences of kinds of lovemaking activities and conditions for having sex. This last subject should include whether feeling emotionally close and cared about is a pre-requisite, times of day, hygiene levels required by each of you and security of privacy. If you two are flatting with others, one of you may not care in the least about the possibility of being overheard or even interrupted, you might even find it a turn-on while the other may feel totally inhibited by that risk. Be sure to also cover whether the kinds of sex you’ve been having have been pleasurable for her, how your initiation style is for her and whether she has been feeling pursued.
Your partner may not yet have discovered her own sexuality at all or feel very confident about allowing herself to venture into the erotic world. If so, looking at websites such as omgyes.com and dodsonandross.com will open that whole world for her. If she is willing, look at these sites with her, otherwise give her space to explore by herself.
If you get a blanket “I’m just not into sex” and a refusal to work on it, then you’ve got a decision to make about continuing this relationship. These things generally don’t come right by themselves and it doesn’t sound like you’re into celibacy, nor being serviced occasionally to keep the peace.