Sex advice with Mrs Salisbury
Why can’t I feel anything during sex? Of course I can feel that there’s something inside me, and I feel arousal and pleasure during foreplay, but when it comes to the full frontal intercourse with any man, I don’t feel any pleasure or excitement, I just feel uncomfortable. Trying unique positions doesn’t help and being on top makes no difference to being on the bottom. This really takes a toll on my intimacy, I feel like I’m doing all the work and it makes the person I’m with insecure. Casual sex is just another chore and I end up just giving up on it and going home by myself because I know that it’ll be the same – I’ll just feel uncomfortable and I won’t get anything from it. There are several possible explanations for this, let’s clear away the physiological side first. I’m taking it from the with which name you signed your letter that you’re female. Your success in getting aroused suggests hormonally you’re OK – are you reaching orgasm OK through clitoral stimulation of some sort? Your clitoris, the centre of pleasurable genital sensation, has nerve endings that spread through your vulva and abdomen, so if you’re not orgasmic it’s worth checking with your GP or a gynaecologist to ensure your medical (surgery or drugs) and sporting history has not caused any lower spinal nerve impairment.
We need also to look at your expectations. Vaginas don’t have much sensation; for women who do enjoy intercourse (and that’s not everyone) the pleasure comes from wanting to feel their partner inside them, relational closeness and the friction on the clitoris and its nerve endings. Some prefer bumping pressure that comes from thrusting in and out intercourse movements, some far prefer the rocking motion of intercourse that maintains body closeness and pelvic pressure rubbing on the clitoris (see CAT, or coital alignment technique). Who’s on top and in what placement varies according to body shape, so casual sex with different partners would require you shifting yourself or your partner’s hips up or down to find the right place to maximise friction. Many women don’t reach orgasm during intercourse – instead they prefer manual or oral stimulation before, during or after penetration, if that occurs at all. Keep in mind your task is not to perform to make your man think he’s a stud, it’s to have pleasure. And check in with yourself to confirm if you really want these strangers inside your body.