I am craving more with my best friend. We met in our first year at high school when I moved into the district and I felt stunningly drawn to her immediately. At first I thought I was just rapt to quickly find a friend among strangers but it’s more than that. I want to touch her beautiful soft skin, I want to kiss her luscious lips, I dream of us being naked in bed together. I can’t stand to be apart from her. I feel turned on whenever I think about her or see her.
This is all new to me. Does this mean I’m a lesbian? How will I find out if she feels the same about me without making an absolute fool of myself? You get to define your sexual orientation and I’d encourage you to take your time to do that. You may not even want to apply any particular label, now or at any time in your life. Certainly identifying as a lesbian could potentially open you to a greater understanding of yourself, and open a vast field of support and information for you. On the other hand, sexuality – including sexual orientation – is fluid so it doesn’t pay to put yourself into any box that could be limiting.
Clearly you are having strong sexual feelings towards your friend. I can understand that this is a mind-blowing and perhaps confusing experience for you. Are you also able to let yourself enjoy the power of your desire? Being fully alive isn’t always comfortable but it’s damned potent, eh? See if you can claim your strong feelings for yourself as part of your vitality. You don’t give any indication of how old you are but, for anyone experiencing their first love, I would encourage enlisting a support person.
Can you talk to a parent or other family member or school counsellor about this? Not for advice because this is your life, your sexuality, but as a sounding board and support person to help you process your experiences. The only way to find out if this young woman is interested in you sexually is to summon all your courage and ask. Fear of rejection and humiliation is what makes it hard to initiate but I’d start small by telling her you have such strong feelings for her and asking: does she have those for you?