Sex ad­vice

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - ADVICE -

I am crav­ing more with my best friend. We met in our first year at high school when I moved into the district and I felt stun­ningly drawn to her im­me­di­ately. At first I thought I was just rapt to quickly find a friend among strangers but it’s more than that. I want to touch her beau­ti­ful soft skin, I want to kiss her lus­cious lips, I dream of us be­ing naked in bed to­gether. I can’t stand to be apart from her. I feel turned on when­ever I think about her or see her.

This is all new to me. Does this mean I’m a les­bian? How will I find out if she feels the same about me with­out mak­ing an ab­so­lute fool of my­self? You get to de­fine your sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion and I’d en­cour­age you to take your time to do that. You may not even want to ap­ply any par­tic­u­lar la­bel, now or at any time in your life. Cer­tainly iden­ti­fy­ing as a les­bian could po­ten­tially open you to a greater un­der­stand­ing of your­self, and open a vast field of sup­port and in­for­ma­tion for you. On the other hand, sex­u­al­ity – in­clud­ing sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion – is fluid so it doesn’t pay to put your­self into any box that could be lim­it­ing.

Clearly you are hav­ing strong sex­ual feel­ings to­wards your friend. I can un­der­stand that this is a mind-blow­ing and per­haps con­fus­ing ex­pe­ri­ence for you. Are you also able to let your­self en­joy the power of your de­sire? Be­ing fully alive isn’t al­ways com­fort­able but it’s damned po­tent, eh? See if you can claim your strong feel­ings for your­self as part of your vi­tal­ity. You don’t give any indi­ca­tion of how old you are but, for any­one ex­pe­ri­enc­ing their first love, I would en­cour­age en­list­ing a sup­port per­son.

Can you talk to a par­ent or other fam­ily mem­ber or school coun­sel­lor about this? Not for ad­vice be­cause this is your life, your sex­u­al­ity, but as a sound­ing board and sup­port per­son to help you process your ex­pe­ri­ences. The only way to find out if this young woman is in­ter­ested in you sex­u­ally is to sum­mon all your courage and ask. Fear of re­jec­tion and hu­mil­i­a­tion is what makes it hard to ini­ti­ate but I’d start small by telling her you have such strong feel­ings for her and ask­ing: does she have those for you?

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