I am 24 years old, I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never been with anyone – I just keep going for the wrong people. I don’t want to have a one-night stand because it’s not me. I was brought up in a Christian family. I can’t stop thinking about sex or watching porn, it just drives me crazy wanting it all the time and I masturbate a lot as well.
What would your advice be to help someone to stop thinking about sex and wanting to be with a physical girl so much? To want to have a girlfriend and to want to be enjoying sex are good healthy goals for you to have. It’s very normal for men and women around your age to be thinking about sex every day. However, you sound like you’ve moved into obsessing about sex and there’s no pleasure in that at all – it feels driven and insatiable. So one task is to shift your relationship to sex. There’s plenty of information online about breaking a porn compulsion, or you may need to seek professional help or write again to get me to address that specifically. But first, begin the tasks below.
I’m not sure what you mean by “going for the wrong people”, nor specifically what values you’ve been taught about your sexuality from the Christian upbringing you refer to. It sounds like being in a committed relationship or married before you have sex might one of those values. What about watching porn and masturbation? If you’re behaving in ways that breach the moral code you’ve been taught, then guilt can become part of the out-of-control cycle, only relieved (temporarily) by more porn and masturbation, until you stop, reflect on what really matters to you and set yourself some clear life values that you choose to live by. So that has to be priority number one. As part of that, affirm your sexual energy as a life force that you are now in the process of finding the right person to take that to.
Number two is to develop the life skills you need to be with a real girl. You sound like you have too much time on your own and may not have yet developed those skills. What do you do to mix with others and how at ease do you feel doing that? Make getting to know some other people your age your priority and do it in the context of an activity you find fun or rewarding.