Sex advice with Mrs Salisbury
I’ve been in a relationship with a gorgeous woman for 11 years now. We are good mates, active lovers and over those years we’ve learned a lot about each other and ourselves.
We each have grown child from previous relationships who used to live with us some of the time but are now off doing their own thing. We retain a good strong bond with both of them. We’re both employed and our jobs, while demanding at times, are going along OK at present.
All of which is by way of explaining my surprise that I have started failing to get an erection sometimes. We didn’t make a big deal of it the first time, just thought I must be too tired or maybe had too much to drink and I’m sure that I was not nervous about it the next time we tried making love – at 51, I have had enough years of secure erectile response to have built up confidence. Again, we knocked but no one was home. Occasionally since then I get an erection but not reliably at all. Now I am getting a bit worried, so thought I would seek your advice.
Good on you for staying calm, you’re right that panicking and fearing a repeat experience is one of the factors that can set men up for recurring ED. However, as this doesn’t apply to you and your story shows no signs of high stress levels, exhaustion or anxiety which could explain the problem, we can narrow this down. You refer to alcohol; how much are you drinking and how often? Heavy drinking can play a role in ED, as can a smoking history. I would strongly encourage you to get a check-up with your GP.
ED that is not related to anxiety can be a valuable warning sign of cardiovascular problems.
Alongside attending to your physical health, there’s a lot you and your partner can do to maintain the relationship health that you have achieved together. First, be aware that as you age all genders require more stimulation to achieve arousal than previously, so it may simply be that the days of spontaneous erections are over – now direct hand or mouth stimulation is required.
Now is also a fantastic opportunity to move beyond your penis to discover all the wonderful erogenous zones you both have all over your body that can bring utter delight.