Sex advice with Mrs Salisbury
I was hoping you could guide me a little, as I just don’t know what to do or where to search. I’m 21 years old and I have never experienced sexual pleasure. I’m not talking about orgasm, I’m talking about all sorts of pleasure (from foreplay, clitoris stimulation, penetration of any type).
My gynaecologist said that my physiology is OK, but it feels numb. Even just touching – I can’t enjoy it, even though I’m really aroused. I can feel that something is inside me but it’s not a good feeling... Sometimes it hurts, but most times I feel nothing. I hope you can help me somehow.
Most women do not have sensation in the vagina beyond a sense of fullness, so penetrative sex stimulates physiologically more through the friction of your lover’s pelvis or your hand or fingers against your clitoris or the gentle tugging of your labia impacting on some of the clitoral nerve endings.
It’s useful to understand the structure of the clitoris and where its nerve endings spread. US sex therapist Paul Joaniddes has just produced a little free video guide to the clitoris. Have a look online at that to see if it adds anything to your understanding. Often a lover’s or your own lack of skill will mean too much pressure is applied, which directly results in numbing.
Are there any other areas on your body that feel numb, or just your genitals? It’s great that you consulted a gynaecologist – presumably they excluded for you the possibility of a spinal nerve problem, hormonal deficits, the possible impact of sporting activities and the potential for any medications you’re on to impact on genital sensation.
I wonder what expectations you came to sex with; how well prepared you felt, whether you have had any sexually abusive experiences, how you feel about this body of yours and how emotionally open you are? All of these things could be playing a role in your numbness, as could your pleasure-seeking skills and your feelings about closeness.
You can experience a sense of being aroused, which is great. Now the task is clearing the way to be open to sexual pleasure. For ideas on technique, see omgyes.com. Also find online guidelines for pelvic floor exercising and swing those muscles to pulse blood into your genitals.