Sex advice with Mrs Salisbury
After keeping it a secret for some years, I finally gathered my courage and told my wife I crossdress. I don’t want to be a woman, I just find it a great turn-on to wear women’s silky underwear and stockings with a suspender belt. I thought we could incorporate this into our sex life to give it a boost as it’s become somewhat humdrum. I also thought it would be great to go shopping together for some new items for us both. I should have known better as she’s very trad. I got an immediate veto. So where do I go from here? I can’t get her to un-know it and she’s looking at me with suspicion now. Are we in big trouble?
I can see how disappointing this is for your news to have not led to the kind of immediate outcome you would have enjoyed. Do keep in mind it’s early days yet and building love and tolerance is an ongoing task for all couples. After living with this knowledge of yourself for years, you have overlooked how disruptive it would be for your wife to get this new information about her husband. Suddenly she’ll be worried that you’re not the man she thought you were. And if you can blow her mind by springing this on her, what else are you not telling her and where could this lead? These may be her other worries.
I would encourage you to go back to her and acknowledge, respectfully, that you realise now how unsettling you telling her of this sexual interest would have been for her – and you’d like the two of you to take some time to work through this together. Hear her fears and concerns, and her hopes for the relationship, before seeking a way for her to make space for accepting this extra aspect of who you are. Reassure her that you are still all the things she thought of you as and this as well.
You’ve challenged the relationship agreement in her eyes, so your task is to rebuild her trust so she can bring empathy to the situation and maybe a bit of adventurousness. She may discover her own taboo desires! Dossie Easton’s
could be helpful.