We learned our son is gay from his ex
One important issue is at stake here and that’s the relationship you and your husband have with your son.
If you keep that as your No. 1 priority in this situation then you should all come out of this with your family intact.
I think the only way through this labyrinth is to present the information as honestly and as kindly as you can to your son. Explain that you’ve heard something second-hand, that it may be true or it may be malicious, but you feel compelled to give him the chance to hear the information.
Does it really matter if someone else has told you that your son is gay? Does it matter that he might feel embarrassed?
If it’s true that he’s been hiding this secret from you for six years then he’ll probably be relieved to have it in the open.
But then you say you don’t want to make assumptions.
So, don’t make assumptions. Just present the information with an open mind and reassure him as you said in your letter, that you are supportive, open minded and love him no matter what.
If your son denies the past boyfriend, then you have your answer for now. It may turn out that there’s some truth in the friend’s email and text, and that your son needs more time before he can admit it. At least you’ve opened the door to the discussion.
Your being open minded and supportive is great, but ultimately it’s your son’s situation and he may not be ready to talk just yet.
Why did I have to find out about my son’s sexuality via a text from his ex? ‘‘If it’s true that he’s been hiding this secret from you for six years then he’ll probably be relieved to have it in the open.’’