Preg­nancy not al­ways plane sail­ing

The Leader (Tasman) - - YOUR LOCAL NEWS - STU HUNT

MID­DLE-AGED MAN One of the big learn­ing ex­pe­ri­ences of my life so far point has been hav­ing chil­dren.

Of course that all be­gins with my lovely wife get­ting preg­nant. Ex­cit­ing times but what they don’t tell you is you need to tread a lit­tle care­fully around preg­nant woman.

Ac­tu­ally I know this one now since my wife has been preg­nant twice so there was a learn­ing op­por­tu­nity right there that first time around.

Of course there’s quite a bit to this since preg­nancy typ­i­cally weighs in at about 40 weeks.

I like to think of it as a flight. The take off is pretty ex­cit­ing your stom­ach drops and your heads spins a bit but its all giddy an­tic­i­pa­tion at this point and, once you reach cruis­ing al­ti­tude, the sun’s shin­ing in through the win­dow and its calm sail­ing.

Put your head­phones on, pick a movie re­cline your seat and en­joy this while it lasts. There is tur­bu­lence ahead. Should your wife suf­fer mo­tion sick­ness don’t com­plain about the vol­ume.

But you can’t re­main above the clouds for­ever and even­tu­ally you start the slow de­scend into land­ing. This is where it’s a lit­tle bumpy and the plane is dan­ger­ously over­loaded. Tighten your belt.

What fol­lows is a list of er­rors you might like to avoid but of course you knew this al­ready. Sadly I went into this un­en­light­ened.

Check­ing in: If your wife goes into labour early in the morn­ing and says you might as well go back to bed, don’t.

Elec­tronic de­vices must be switched off.

Don’t pause to send a few text mes­sages be­fore get­ting your wife in the car and head­ing off to hos­pi­tal. What hap­pens to the dog at this point isn’t high on the list as my wife had to point out in sin­gle syl­la­ble words.

Clear­ance to land. If it is six in the morn­ing and traffic is light don’t stop at the or­ange light. You will not get a ticket. Any de­lays at this stage are to be avoided.

Don’t over­shoot the run­way. The man at the hos­pi­tal en­trance with the wheel­chair is for you. Don’t wave at him and drive past into the carpark.

A bit of a wait for the lug­gage to ar­rive.

When you make it into the hos­pi­tal don’t yawn a lot and, do not what­ever you do, fall asleep.

This won’t be met with oh you must be ex­hausted you poor dear.

Ask­ing for a suck on the gas is a bit of a no no as well.

Of course once you’ve touched down and you’re safely out of the ter­mi­nal hav­ing sur­vived the ex­pe­ri­ence with a new ad­di­tion tucked un­der your arm.

All may be for­given but not for­got­ten.

Notes for how to tread around a new mother would give the bi­ble a run for its money.

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