Pregnancy not always plane sailing
MIDDLE-AGED MAN One of the big learning experiences of my life so far point has been having children.
Of course that all begins with my lovely wife getting pregnant. Exciting times but what they don’t tell you is you need to tread a little carefully around pregnant woman.
Actually I know this one now since my wife has been pregnant twice so there was a learning opportunity right there that first time around.
Of course there’s quite a bit to this since pregnancy typically weighs in at about 40 weeks.
I like to think of it as a flight. The take off is pretty exciting your stomach drops and your heads spins a bit but its all giddy anticipation at this point and, once you reach cruising altitude, the sun’s shining in through the window and its calm sailing.
Put your headphones on, pick a movie recline your seat and enjoy this while it lasts. There is turbulence ahead. Should your wife suffer motion sickness don’t complain about the volume.
But you can’t remain above the clouds forever and eventually you start the slow descend into landing. This is where it’s a little bumpy and the plane is dangerously overloaded. Tighten your belt.
What follows is a list of errors you might like to avoid but of course you knew this already. Sadly I went into this unenlightened.
Checking in: If your wife goes into labour early in the morning and says you might as well go back to bed, don’t.
Electronic devices must be switched off.
Don’t pause to send a few text messages before getting your wife in the car and heading off to hospital. What happens to the dog at this point isn’t high on the list as my wife had to point out in single syllable words.
Clearance to land. If it is six in the morning and traffic is light don’t stop at the orange light. You will not get a ticket. Any delays at this stage are to be avoided.
Don’t overshoot the runway. The man at the hospital entrance with the wheelchair is for you. Don’t wave at him and drive past into the carpark.
A bit of a wait for the luggage to arrive.
When you make it into the hospital don’t yawn a lot and, do not whatever you do, fall asleep.
This won’t be met with oh you must be exhausted you poor dear.
Asking for a suck on the gas is a bit of a no no as well.
Of course once you’ve touched down and you’re safely out of the terminal having survived the experience with a new addition tucked under your arm.
All may be forgiven but not forgotten.
Notes for how to tread around a new mother would give the bible a run for its money.