Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions
QI want to give my husband a sexy treat, but I’m not sure what the best dress-up outfit is. I’m a larger lady and my friends all have different opinions. Any ideas? Miss Naughty, Kapiti Coast
A When it comes to sexy attire, I’m a classicist and I’ve always thought that items from La Perla – my idea of lingerie heaven – is the stuff that sets bedrooms on fire.
But after having done some research, I’ve come to the conclusion this isn’t what necessarily sells or is the most popular. So it seems that this whole time I may as well have been dressing up as a nun!
What actually flies off the shelves are often the outfits that might make most women whisper “jeepers creepers” under their breath. But this is exciting to know! If this is all about him and it’s not a mutual treat, I encourage you to jump online to find the most risqué, skimpy, brightly coloured, nylon number out there.
And don’t worry if you don’t nail it the first time – treat it like an experiment and be brave. I bet that what may not necessarily appeal to you will certainly appeal to him.
Q My partner and I have been going out for a year and I love him to bits, but I find it really weird that he makes no sound at all when we are intimate. His silence makes me feel like maybe I’m getting something wrong as my departed husband used to make a bit of a song and dance. Do you know what the norm is for this?
Old Yeller, Whitianga
A Let me assure you that just because a man isn’t hollering like Tarzan, it does not mean he’s not having a crackerjack time.
Having done a little bit of rudimentary research on this myself, there’s a range of reasons why people are not vocal during intercourse. It can be anything from having learnt to pleasure themselves discreetly through to – as one of my friends declared – thinking that it’s simply “bad manners” to sound like some oaf winning the sexual lottery.
When a lover is vocal, it’s often either a turn-on in itself or it’s an affirmation. If you like noise for the latter reason and you’ve concluded after an honest chat with him that it’s just not his style, maybe ask him to whisper something in your ear during sex?
Choose a phrase that would excite you or give you a sign that he appreciates your efforts. I’m sure a loving partner would happily concede to being verbal this way, even if it wasn’t in their sexual nature to make a racket.
Q My husband has recently started suffering some erectile issues and it takes him longer than normal to get his business done. We are finding lubricant a bit messy and wondered if there is anything else you can recommend for him?
A Good on you for being such a helping hand, in every sense of the matter! Some men don’t like lube and, in fact, prefer something like Wicked’s Crème Masturbation Cream for Men, available from Peaches and Cream.
I have also heard that an increasing amount of people find using coconut oil is a feelgood alternative.