LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions
Q My husband turned 50 and almost on cue got erection issues. I am trying to be patient but I can’t work out if it’s psychological or physical and he won’t go to the doctor. He’s stressed at work and has put on a lot of weight. I can’t make him help himself, but I’m feeling very put out at what this is doing to our sex life.
A More than 20% of men over 40 have significant erection issues, according to menshealth.co.nz. That’s a huge number of our households living with this situation. And it is an issue, for both of you.
It’s important he does seek help or understand the consequences if he doesn’t. You are in a partnership and that obliges both of you to be your best selves emotionally and physically. Try and park your frustration and consciously approach him with empathy and reassure him that a trip to the GP to check hormone, cholesterol and blood sugar is a necessary and easy start. You need to find out the physical origins of this and/or establish if it’s psychological. There are many treatment options that will be able to restore functionality to your sex life.
If he refuses to go, then reiterate to him what that means for you and why in a kind but firm way. You are not obliged to go down with a sinking ship.
Q No matter how much advice I try and give my boyfriend on how to give me oral pleasure, he just doesn’t hit the mark. What else can I do? Do I just accept this is a lost cause? Over It, Wellington
A You need to judge how important this relationship is to you and if you can live with him being great at other things. It’s incredibly hard to be tactful when it comes to being instructional at sex and the other thing to consider is how much you have talked about it? Because little things like you saying “up more” or “down more” are sometimes not enough.
Have you physically demonstrated where and how you want him? Every woman has different desires, speeds and needs for pressure. Is your own fear of speaking up keeping you both in the dark? If you’ve really been transparent and open, why not try something else to add to the mix to move things along? Some toys are a small addition with a big impact.
Q My best friend swears by her “breastgasm”, but she’s the only person I know who’s ever mentioned this. Is there such a thing? Sceptic, Tasman
A There sure is and you’ll be glad to know that there’s scientific evidence to suggest it’s possible for everybody. For some, pinching, biting, cupping, twisting the breast, and often more specifically, the nipple, can solicit orgasm. The portion of the brain responsible for the vagina, cervix and clitoris is also connected to the breast.
There are four rules to give your loved one in helping you achieve this: Squeeze, lick, suck and intensify.
If you’d like to follow your friend and want a fun way to introduce yourself to eroticising your breasts, start with something small and fun. Check out Peaches & Cream’s Adam and Eve range of nipple clips.