LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

Jodie Mol­loy an­swers your most in­ti­mate ques­tions

Woman’s Day (NZ) - - Advice -

Q My hus­band turned 50 and al­most on cue got erec­tion is­sues. I am try­ing to be pa­tient but I can’t work out if it’s psy­cho­log­i­cal or phys­i­cal and he won’t go to the doc­tor. He’s stressed at work and has put on a lot of weight. I can’t make him help him­self, but I’m feel­ing very put out at what this is do­ing to our sex life.

Grumpy, Haw­era

A More than 20% of men over 40 have sig­nif­i­cant erec­tion is­sues, ac­cord­ing to men­shealth.co.nz. That’s a huge num­ber of our house­holds liv­ing with this sit­u­a­tion. And it is an is­sue, for both of you.

It’s im­por­tant he does seek help or un­der­stand the con­se­quences if he doesn’t. You are in a part­ner­ship and that obliges both of you to be your best selves emo­tion­ally and phys­i­cally. Try and park your frus­tra­tion and con­sciously ap­proach him with em­pa­thy and re­as­sure him that a trip to the GP to check hor­mone, choles­terol and blood sugar is a nec­es­sary and easy start. You need to find out the phys­i­cal ori­gins of this and/or es­tab­lish if it’s psy­cho­log­i­cal. There are many treat­ment op­tions that will be able to re­store func­tion­al­ity to your sex life.

If he re­fuses to go, then re­it­er­ate to him what that means for you and why in a kind but firm way. You are not obliged to go down with a sink­ing ship.

Q No mat­ter how much advice I try and give my boyfriend on how to give me oral plea­sure, he just doesn’t hit the mark. What else can I do? Do I just ac­cept this is a lost cause? Over It, Welling­ton

A You need to judge how im­por­tant this re­la­tion­ship is to you and if you can live with him be­ing great at other things. It’s in­cred­i­bly hard to be tact­ful when it comes to be­ing in­struc­tional at sex and the other thing to con­sider is how much you have talked about it? Be­cause lit­tle things like you say­ing “up more” or “down more” are some­times not enough.

Have you phys­i­cally demon­strated where and how you want him? Ev­ery woman has dif­fer­ent de­sires, speeds and needs for pres­sure. Is your own fear of speak­ing up keep­ing you both in the dark? If you’ve re­ally been trans­par­ent and open, why not try some­thing else to add to the mix to move things along? Some toys are a small ad­di­tion with a big im­pact.

Q My best friend swears by her “breast­gasm”, but she’s the only per­son I know who’s ever men­tioned this. Is there such a thing? Scep­tic, Tas­man

A There sure is and you’ll be glad to know that there’s sci­en­tific ev­i­dence to sug­gest it’s pos­si­ble for ev­ery­body. For some, pinch­ing, bit­ing, cup­ping, twist­ing the breast, and of­ten more specif­i­cally, the nip­ple, can so­licit or­gasm. The por­tion of the brain re­spon­si­ble for the vagina, cervix and cli­toris is also con­nected to the breast.

There are four rules to give your loved one in help­ing you achieve this: Squeeze, lick, suck and in­ten­sify.

If you’d like to fol­low your friend and want a fun way to in­tro­duce your­self to eroti­cis­ing your breasts, start with some­thing small and fun. Check out Peaches & Cream’s Adam and Eve range of nip­ple clips.

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