Al­ways a bet­ter view from Gov­ern­ment House

Daily Trust - - OPINION - Tunde Asaju tun­deasju@ya­

Madam Stella Od­uah was en­joy­ing the view from her coun­try home while some mis­chief­mak­ers were try­ing to spoil her bad rep­u­ta­tion. They claimed that she laun­dered money into the ac­counts of her maid, os­ten­si­bly as a means of es­cap­ing the ea­gle eyes of EFCC bank in­spec­tors. Wicked peo­ple so blinded by poverty that they have no faith that maids could also be mil­lion­aires. This is, in spite of the diet of pros­per­ity gospel flying all over pen­teras­cal churches dot­ted across the land­scape. Me I know maids who are paid more than permsecs, I haven’t just suc­ceeded in work­ing for one yet, I am fast­ing and pray­ing to col­lide with such luck. So guys, just be­cause you’re on min­i­mum wage and max­i­mum wa­hala it’s no rea­son to be­lieve that maids could not make mil­lions. We need an at­ti­tude change in this coun­try. Our Fer­rari-rid­ing God of men needs to up their act be­cause peo­ple are ap­par­ently not lis­ten­ing.

Naija gov­er­nors can teach a les­son or two to Arnold Sch­warzeneg­ger. In these try­ing times when work­ers are work­ing pro bono, gov­er­nors are the most sym­pa­thetic. Dig­bolugi Ayo Fayose could not watch his own work­ers go­ing on strike with­out start­ing a sol­i­dar­ity strike of his own. What a stroke of ge­nius! If the 20 or more other gov­er­nors whose work­ers are threat­en­ing fire and brim­stone with­out affin­ity to Satan could adopt this no­bel idea, we could shut down Naija just to show that clue­less is not a creek at­tribute.

At some point, not too long ago, Og­beni Rauf Aregbesola who Amer­i­can­ized his own state with­out con­sti­tu­tion amend­ment was be­ing touted as the best loaf to come out of the APC kiln. Dressed in the uni­form aso-ebi he de­creed for pub­lic schools and eat­ing from the same meal as the pupils; you couldn’t find a more char­i­ta­ble ru­iner in any PDP state. Oth­ers were en­vi­ous they had no son tech savvy enough to im­port Opon Imo from China. There were some un­char­i­ta­ble be­ings swear­ing on their grand­mother’s un­marked graves that the tablets were val­ued lower than akara and eko on e-Bay and that the state was ripped off.

No­body knows what hap­pened be­tween cam­paign and re-elec­tion but nei­ther Osun teach­ers now Osun work­ers have been smil­ing. The way these things are treated in the me­dia, you would think that Aregbesola is the most debt-in­fested gov­er­nor-on-siren in Naija. But what a char­i­ta­ble gov­er­nor he is. Just this week, Og­beni cur­ried our sym­pa­thy by let­ting us know that he has not drawn his salary in six years. In other words, no­body should think that the gov­er­nor has been swelling his ac­counts while leav­ing work­ers hun­gry. Of course, we never know the truth about these things un­til an­other party cap­tures power and opens the vaults of sleaze. For now, we are so sym­pa­thetic that Og­beni Aregbesola has not been draw­ing a salary for six years. What we also hope is that he has not been col­lect­ing se­cu­rity votes.

Why do I say that, well, it is now com­mon knowl­edge that those who have se­cu­rity votes can save enough to be­come share­hold­ers of the Burj Khal­ifa. As long as they are not rob­bing shoul­ders with Gen­eral Bru­tal, it’s all le­git and noth­ing spoil.

I would love to be gov­er­nor of Okeagi State some­day if we all get our wishes of turn­ing ev­ery ham­let into a state. When that hap­pens, I would be ad­dressed sim­ply as his Ex­cel­lency, Og­bon­demnu Tunde Asaju, poor gov­er­nor of Okeagi State and friend of the masses. For now, I share the same ti­tle of mis­ter with the Jone­ses, as no­body would dash me a tra­di­tional ti­tle with­out a swollen wal­let. Why do I like be­ing gov­er­nor, well, it is the only po­lit­i­cal of­fice that you hold and you don’t have to be ac­count­able. What more, it doesn’t mat­ter how you per­form, you could grad­u­ate to the sin­nate with­out any prob­lem and if you left skele­tons, you could count on those who en­joyed pa­tron­age to de­fend you on so­cial me­dia.

As Barack Obama re­cently re­gret­ted in a speech in Ot­tawa, he loved his job so much he would love to keep it, grey hair and all, ex­cept that the Amer­i­can con­sti­tu­tion de­nies him. He is now forced into a $5 mil­lion re­tire­ment mort­gage home from Novem­ber, a home that is not worth the value of one Madam Diezani’s bul­let­proof gym in Abuja man­sion - but that’s life.

I like the tim­ing of Iyi­ola Omisore’s ar­rest. I un­der­stand its corn sea­son in Naija. Last year, he was rid­ing okada and chew­ing corn all over Osun State hop­ing to de­pose Og­beni. It didn’t work and now they have come for his share of Santa Da­suki. I have never known of a stub­born child be­ing asked to re­fund their Santa gift. Olisa Me­tuh re­turned his own with­out qualms and pledged al­le­giance to Sai Baba. Talk­ing about corn, last year out­side gov­ern­ment house, Am­bode was pa­tron­iz­ing street foot ven­dors. This week, he is en­forc­ing a law against street trad­ing. Ob­vi­ously peo­ple see clearly from gov­ern­ment house.

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