On the famed Dau­raniza­tion of gover­nance

Daily Trust - - OPINION -

One of my great­est shocks since Sai Baba en­tered the throne he va­cated af­ter 30 years ear­lier is that af­ter three decades, noth­ing bet­ter was wor­thy of our trust. Thought like that might turn peo­ple into se­rial monogamists. Imag­ine be­ing mar­ried to the same per­son for 30 years, ex­cept that in mar­riage, peo­ple change, and noth­ing is bet­ter than change - ask the APC and they’ll tell you that change is good! Be­fore cam­paign­ing for change, eval­u­ate what ser­vice is worth and who could pro­vide it so that you’re not short-changed.

Ex­cept your name is Bob Mar­ley or the I-Threes; peo­ple don’t like be­ing called wail­ers. For Bob, it was ok be­cause it brought fame and was a money-spin­ner. In Naija, wail­ing is not only af­fil­i­ated with grief, it is a loser’s lot. If in doubt, ask Nuhu Ribadu! Hail­ers are win­ners and ev­ery­one loves to hail or be hailed. It’s in our gene as a re­li­giously un­godly peo­ple; we hate the idea of stones tak­ing our place. Mas­ter Je­sus warned jeal­ous rulers of his time that heaven was ca­pa­ble of re­plac­ing them with stones if they failed to do their hail­ing du­ties. To­day, most peo­ple fol­low the hail­ing trail for fear of be­ing over­taken by ei­ther a life­less dutse or its big­ger brother, the moun­tain.

For me, I hail not just for fear of hav­ing my fa­ther’s name re­placed with the gi­ant stone in front of our an­ces­tral home; it is in res­ig­na­tion to the fact that most of us are born to hail those po­si­tioned over and above us. Let me warn those who say that Al­lah has no vot­ing card and there­fore does not make kings that this is apos­tasy.

To the ma­jor­ity of us who eat in­sults with the but­ter of scrip­tures, if lead­er­ship is di­vinely pre­or­dained ev­ery­thing else is di­vinely sanc­tioned. Only fools would fail to ac­cept my par­ody of V.I. Lenin’s as­ser­tion that the his­tory of prim­i­tive so­ci­eties is fraught with class strug­gle. El­e­ments climb­ing mul­ti­ple floor build­ings one step at a time due to lack of elec­tric­ity to power el­e­va­tors might ar­gue that Naija has passed the prim­i­tive stage af­ter all out of ev­ery, there is a Didy­mus.

So, a gen­tle lady was made NPA boss and those who have no con­tain­ers are com­plain­ing. What for? Have they or their par­ents ever won elec­tions? Could they not wait for God to ro­tate the baked bread of power and add but­ter to it for them in their own time?

This is why I am a patriot of a dif­fer­ent hue. One of the rea­sons I am in the hailer’s cor­ner is that I was born to a poor farm­ing house­hold that even in the age of GPS needed sev­eral protest let­ters to Cal­i­for­nia for ac­cep­tance as a vil­lage by Face­book. So, if I fail to sup­port the Dau­rani­sa­tion of gov­ern­ment or the so-called back­door em­ploy­ment, it would be sac­ri­le­gious, and tan­ta­mount to kick­ing against both the goads and the gods. I have read with shame, the sub­tle protests over fed­eral ap­point­ments in the era of change.

How could any­one who ac­cepts the di­vine prov­i­dence of power ques­tion the ra­tio­nale be­hind how its spoils are dis­trib­uted? In Er­do­gan’s Tur­key, that would be trea­son. In other climes; it would be sac­ri­lege. Me thinks its both here in Naija although Dau­rec­torate of Se­cret Ser­vice, DSS is le­nient with the law, peo­ple should not take gen­til­ity for cow­ardice.

Here is an oath I think gen­uine pa­tri­ots should en­dorse: - We the sons and daugh­ters of the draw­ers of wa­ter and ew­ers of wood, pledge our un­flinch­ing sup­port and loy­alty to this and other ac­tions car­ried out by those ex­er­cis­ing di­vine man­date. We dis­so­ci­ate our­selves from all and ev­ery protest by those who want to in­cur di­vine wrath on us with their protests; conscious that protests could stop north­ern cows from graz­ing; dry the foun­tains of crude oil and dam­age forests that shield co­coa plan­ta­tions.

We have dili­gently served the par­ents of our mas­ters; we would serve the chil­dren they’re po­si­tion­ing and we ex­pect our chil­dren to tow the line world with­out end or un­til, as some­one rightly said that time comes when the poor would have noth­ing else to eat but the flesh of their op­pres­sors. If we have any rights to the mun­dane things of the earth, such as em­ploy­ment, ed­u­ca­tion, good roads, elec­tric­ity or so­cial ser­vices, we hereby re­pu­di­ate any claims to them in obe­di­ence to di­vine bar­gain for a promised bet­ter here­after. We agree that jobs, where they ex­ist should not be ad­ver­tised, but filled overnight by tra­di­tional ru­in­ers and top gov­ern­ment func­tionar­ies so that there could be bread on the ta­ble of our mas­ters and hunger and de­spair that pro­pels cere­bral re­cal­i­bra­tion.

We fore­warn that hence­forth any­one protest­ing or goad­ing peo­ple to protest the Dau­rani­sa­tion of our des­tiny do so at their own risks. Our chil­dren may be help­lessly hope­less in this world; they will get jobs in heaven.

So help us God.

So, if I fail to sup­port the Dau­rani­sa­tion of gov­ern­ment or the so-called back­door em­ploy­ment, it would be sac­ri­le­gious, and tan­ta­mount to kick­ing against both the goads and the gods. I have read with shame, the sub­tle protests over fed­eral ap­point­ments in the era of change

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