Why that anti-cor­rup­tion list re­mains in­com­plete

Sunday Trust - - VIEWPOINT - Tun­deasaju@ya­hoo.co.uk with Tunde Asaju

Why is so much valu­able ink and saliva wasted on the se­rial re­lease of gov­ern­ment’s loot­ers list? It is ev­i­dent that Al­haji Lai Lai’s list has been grossly mis­un­der­stood by the peo­ple and as gov­ern­ment’s un­paid al­ter­nate com­mu­ni­ca­tor, I have taken it upon my­self to ex­plain it in what I hope would be lay­man’s terms. First things first, this list is Lai Lai’s road to Da­m­as­cus con­ver­sion. Eleven years ago, Mo­hammed and Garba Shehu were against the re­lease of loot­ers’ list.

The lists so far re­leased could not be said to be ex­haus­tive even though it has taken longer than nor­mal to com­pile. With one bot­tle of Ori­jin or Benylin with codeine in one hand, any­one in Ad­dic­tion Av­enue would have made up this list just af­ter a sip or a sniff of his or her favourite stuff. We all know that Al­haji Lai Lai does not live in Ad­dic­tion Av­enue, and as pro­pa­ganda min­is­ter, the onus is on him to test the Made In Naija pen­cil that must have been used in com­pil­ing the lists so far re­leased.

This is why Uche Se­con­dus is wait­ing for a Made In Naija eraser to take off his name from the list. Santa Da­suki would have loved to ask for the same favour if not for his chains. As for the oil-rich bella, Madam Globe, noth­ing else mat­ters as long as Theresa May does not re­move her name from the chemo­ther­apy list. Stella Od­uah says any­one read­ing her name and not laugh­ing should not be op­er­ated on with the sole ef­fect of laugh­ing gas. Ap­par­ently, there are other peo­ple ei­ther con­sult­ing with their liars or tak­ing these lists as a track from Com­edy Belus­coni Gor­don’s next al­bum.

A cur­sory look at the lists would re­veal that all it takes to fea­ture on it is past par­tic­i­pa­tion in Naija gov­er­nance in the past 19 years. This is why some peo­ple are wor­ried that the Wiz­ard of Ota did not fea­ture on it. Re­mem­ber the sale of Transcorp Hil­ton, Abuja houses and other deals that soil the gar­ment of the man who, like the in­cum­bent wants to be taken se­ri­ously as a bad gov­er­nance critic?

Cer­tainly, this list is not ex­haus­tive, but even grad­u­a­tion lists are hardly ex­haus­tive as any­one fa­mil­iar with Bola Tinubu and Dino Me­laiye’s cer­tifi­cate saga knows. Ex­pect­ing the list to be ex­haus­tive is like wish­ing that bad gov­er­nance had stopped. As you are all aware, only Obi­ageli Ezek­we­sili and her crew live in that for­lorn hope.

Bad gov­er­nance is a con­tin­uum. Much like chang­ing sides af­ter the first half of a football match doesn’t make for any­thing but a mere change of di­rec­tion of play, noth­ing has changed un­der APC. Where there is gov­er­nance, there would al­ways be cor­rup­tion as sure as large car­cases at­tracts vul­ture and ants at­tract sugar, Naija gov­er­nance is a mag­net that picks up sleaze. Cor­rup­tion is the palm oil with which the morsel of gov­er­nance is swal­lowed with­out com­pli­ca­tion. There­fore to ex­pect that any­one in gov­ern­ment would ex­haus­tively give a fi­nal cor­rup­tion list is to, like those de­mand­ing ful­fil­ment of elec­toral prom­ises, ex­pect the im­pos­si­ble.

We have a glimpse of the trans­for­ma­tive phase of APC style of cor­rup­tion. How­ever, its full man­i­fes­ta­tion would not be known un­til this clue­less and ut­terly di­rec­tion­less gov­ern­ment is red carded out of gov­er­nance. Un­til then, we keep point­ing ac­cus­ing fin­gers be­cause, like it’s Si­amese brother PDP did, APC is sit­ting like mother hen on the eggs of sleaze. We’ll only be sure of what they hatch af­ter they are swept out of power if we get a con­scionable re­place­ment with a ver­i­fi­able and track­able agenda. Un­til then, no earth-shat­ter­ing list should be ex­pected.

The list cur­rently in the public do­main shows only the dif­fer­ence be­tween six and half a dozen. It epit­o­mizes the sec­ond side of the same coin and por­trays the irony of the pot call­ing the ket­tle black. This list marks the trap­pings of a gang of Ali Baba and the 40 thieves ex­co­ri­at­ing the an­tics of Robin Hood of the Sher­wood For­est.

With­out ac­cess to foren­sic ev­i­dence who would dare ac­cuse the born-again ex-PDP stal­warts now chap­lains in the APC regime? Four­teen cur­rent gov­er­nors were one-time PDP mem­bers. Twenty other ex-gov­er­nors are pa­tron saints lead­ing anti-cor­rup­tion prayers at the APC al­tar. Let us hope that they live long enough to have their cer­tifi­cate of saint­hood ver­i­fied in court. Un­til then, in the courts of public opin­ion, their gar­ment of saint­hood is soiled from neck to feet. Never mind that they have siren im­mu­nity and pa­rade them­selves in starched robes in­stead of fea­tur­ing on real episodes of Crime Fight­ers!

Pa Bubu claims to be fight­ing cor­rup­tion. His ef­forts are more ac­knowl­edged among shady for­eign char­ac­ters and paid ac­tors than on the ground in Naija. Luther King is squirm­ing in his grave at the as­so­ci­a­tion of his hal­lowed name with a gov­ern­ment pro­duc­ing grass­cut­ters and very ret­i­cent in pun­ish­ing known crim­i­nals. But when you lose face at home, even an anti-cor­rup­tion award from Lu­cifer primed on the 30-year anti-cor­rup­tion mantra of the head of state is ac­cept­able. Take this gov­ern­ment’s an­ticor­rup­tion stance se­ri­ously if your day pro­gramme is man­aged on a bro­ken clock - af­ter all, it tells the cor­rect time twice ev­ery sin­gle day.

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