Don’t stop the mu­sic

Sunday Trust - - VIEWPOINT - El­, Twit­ter: @el­nathan with El­nathan John ec­ceneljo@ya­

Dear­est Buhari,

Ithink for once it is time to learn some­thing from one of your ju­niors. I am still breath­less from what Jaga­ban Tin­ubu pulled off in La­gos. Af­ter you met with him he still in­sisted that as some­one to whom the state be­longs, it was time to dis­ci­pline one of his chil­dren. I think once we can un­der­stand how one in­di­vid­ual con­trols a state with a GDP the size of a few West African coun­tries com­bined. He must have the spirit of God or some­thing. And peo­ple must gen­uinely love him. Of course, you are still the most loved per­son in Nige­ria, but you have so many peo­ple try­ing to dis­re­spect you by try­ing to con­test elec­tions in 2019. We need to know how an in­cum­bent gover­nor can get less only 10 per­cent of the vote in his party pri­maries. That way we can end the mat­ter of your pop­u­lar­ity.

I think you should call Tin­ubu and ask him how of­ten he fasts and which prayers he says. We need ev­ery tool we can lay our hands on in 2019. And then once we have found that tool we need to share it with our guy in Kaduna, who de­spite his ma­noeu­vres could not stop Shehu Sani from get­ting his Se­nate seat in the pri­maries. I re­mem­ber him say­ing peo­ple should shave the hair off his head. I think the peo­ple didn’t hear Nasir prop­erly.

I am afraid the next se­nate might be bor­ing. I fear that Dino, now run­ning un­der PDP in Kogi may not re­turn, Ben Bruce is out, Adeleke might not be there. Who will I am afraid the next se­nate might be bor­ing. I fear that Dino, now run­ning un­der PDP in Kogi may not re­turn, Ben Bruce is out, Adeleke might not be there. dance, sing and tweet in the next Se­nate? I think Dino and Adeleke need to do a vale­dic­tory mu­sic video, broad­casted live from the Se­nate cham­bers on Periscope by Mr Bruce. They will be sorely missed.

I am so glad that the peo­ple of Kano came through with 2.9 mil­lion votes for you in the APC pri­maries. It is great how quickly they counted those votes in a few hours with­out any tech­ni­cal hitches. I think INEC should learn from the Kano APC who can or­gan­ise vot­ing among such huge num­bers with­out any­one notic­ing un­con­trol­lable crowds. Per­haps the Kano peo­ple can help with an in­struc­tional video? I am sure we will get twice that in the elec­tions in that state alone.

Ehen, so Ben Bruce went out to protest and said he got tear­gassed. I think we should ask the po­lice and security forces to ex­er­cise cau­tion here. It is hard to deny hav­ing bru­talised some­one so light skinned. The marks will show on his body and he will have some­thing to show his peo­ple in the em­bassies where he likes to re­port you to. Some­one like Dino, no prob­lem. But Bruce kai, it will be bad for our re­elec­tion. Let us re­strict our po­lice bru­tal­ity to the dark ones please.

Are you al­ready think­ing of the next cabi­net? I know it is fun to wait six months be­fore we get a cabi­net but maybe this time we should sur­prise them by hav­ing a cabi­net ready the day af­ter we win elec­tions in 2019. They will be shocked.

Also I think it is time for the pho­to­shoot where you wear the clothes from the dif­fer­ent re­gions to show you are not a trib­al­ist. Igbo, Yoruba clothes for the posters. You don’t have to love them. Just do it for the posters and we can cam­paign for you in places where you typ­i­cally get 5%. This time, maybe they will see you wear­ing their clothes and fall in love. I can’t wait to see the photos.

Can we fin­ish prepar­ing the EFCC files on the fron­trun­ners who will chal­lenge you in the op­po­si­tion? I see peo­ple have be­gun to drop out of the race for Tam­buwal. He must have some bil­lions in al­le­ga­tions some­where in some file. I see Saraki is al­ready be­ing taken care of with his peo­ple all in the courts for fraud. Oh, and by the way, I must say you re­ally do have a large for­giv­ing heart. I was think­ing the law would take its course when former min­is­ter Kemi Adeo­sun re­signed over forgery. Isn’t that still a crim­i­nal of­fence? Any­way, it is nice that no one pur­sued charges. If it was in a bad coun­try, they would have ar­rested and charged her af­ter she ad­mit­ted that the cer­tifi­cate was in fact fake. Also they might have in­ves­ti­gated fur­ther to find out who in the Na­tional Assem­bly was black­mail­ing her and how much we lost to that black­mail. But you are kind and for­giv­ing. That is why you will win in 2019.

Ps. Can we re­lease Zakzaky? And at least al­low him to live a nor­mal life with the re­main­ing mem­bers of his fam­ily we haven’t shot dead? That would be re­ally nice dear. Let’s do it be­fore the elec­tions. Him and Leah Sharibu. It will be a ge­nius move.

Yours now and un­til 2023

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