FROM THE MILLENIALS: MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS

lovely sunday to you all! I’m seyi Alawode, a 19-year-old Warwick student currently trying to redefine youth culture through one way or another. my new column here in THISDAY style, titled #Fromthemillennials, is my attempt at representing the millennial generation (those born in the years 1985-2002), our beliefs and opinions, and to put it simply – why we think what we think. What I also aim to gain from this, is for the target audience of this magazine – mostly parents, I assume – to understand things from their kids’ point of view. yes, it is possible! let’s get to it. Surely one knows by now that pretty much all you need to do to gain a wide enough understanding as to how we millennials think, is to have a quick scan through social media. Twitter, to be precise. If you are one of the few who didn’t know this – not to worry. I have done it for you! luckily for me, I have a large-ish following on social media, so when I tweeted out: ‘what is the one thing you wish our parents’ generation understood?’, I was, and as I write this still am, overwhelmed with thousands and thousands of replies from all over the Twitter world, up to the point where I had to switch my phone off because the Twitter app kept freezing! It really did go viral.

you probably think I majorly received tweets along the lines of ‘omg, my mum is too strict, she doesn’t let me go out!’, or ‘ugh, my parents are so annoying!’. nope. If it isn’t obvious by now, the most frequent response had to do with mental health, particularly depression. Surprising for you as parents maybe, but not for us. as a matter of fact, I very much saw this coming. Before addressing the topic and for the context’s sake, let’s talk about what is and isn’t regarded as mental illness, with some reference taken from webMD:

things that mental illnesses are. - anxiety & Panic Disorders. - Bipolar Disorder. Depression. - eating Disorders. - Schizophrenia. - Substance abuse & addiction.

things that mental illnesses aren’t. - Were (Mad) - evil spirit. To be quite frank, the multitude of responses I skimmed through served as concrete evidence that an

Mental illness is a thing. it affects the millenial generation more than you seem to realise. Please do not ignore it and always be there for them!

inexplicable number of nigerian parents either trivialise, or simply ignore their children’s mental health, which is a huge pity. From my mini social research, it’s safe to say that your sons and daughters – of a vast range of ages, want you to understand that physical health is JuST as important as mental. In other words, you need to be equally as concerned when your child is depressed, as for when they have serious malaria, for example. Speaking as the voice of your kids, stop stigmatising poor mental health!

okay, so now that we’ve finally addressed the elephant in the room, the big ‘taboo’ whose discussion many parents seem to evade – what next? how do we now bridge the awareness gap between your generation and ours; with regards to mental wellbeing? well, thanks to my research, again, I’ve done the hard work, and will be addressing each point in order of how popular they were!

your only job here is to read, understand, and hopefully apply. easy right?

1. let’s start with this: please understand that mental illnesses affect eVeRyone: one myth widely believed by the older generation is that mental illness is a ‘white man’s disease’. oh gosh, seriously? olukayode and Funmilola are equally as vulnerable to mental illnesses as are Becky and Tom. Funnily enough, although the tweet went viral, those who had the most to say about mental health were black. nigerian, for that matter.

‘If we say we are depressed, we truly are depressed’ – Anonymous tweeter. (paraphrased)

another comical, rather condescending thing that the older generation often say to the younger is something along these lines: ‘you’re depressed abi? what exactly have you been through in this life that is depressing you?’. Firstly, mental illnesses, like physical illnesses, know no age. Secondly, it is rather bizarre for you to think that you are entitled to feeling a certain way and a younger person isn’t, simply because they’ve been on this planet for a lesser time than you have. Thirdly, asking people ‘what they’ve been through’, insinuates that people choose to be depressed, bipolar, have anxiety and so on. I genuinely am unable to think of any individual who would intentionally force mental illness upon themselves. If your child, no matter how young, opens up to you about their mental state, please don’t disdain them by asking

that question. Be there for them.

2. Tola you’re DePReSSeD? you dare to tell me you have anXIeTy? after all I’ve done for you as a parent?!’: Please, please and more pleases; parents – refrain from telling your depressed child to stop being ungrateful if they come forward to speak about their feelings. It’s probably hard enough opening up about mental health in a society that demonises it, let alone being made to feel guilty for it. In an ideal world, where one has control over their mental health and emotions, mental illness wouldn’t exist! unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world, and as stated previously, I cannot think of a single millennial (or anyone), that would actively choose to feel anxious, or bipolar. your kids aren’t selfish for being depressed. They simply cannot help it.

3. know that mental illness is not an ‘evil spirit’ and cannot be cured by simply praying it away: I’m aware that this may hit a nerve, given that we are quite the religious nation. But alas, I am here to trigger. If god placed doctors and nurses on earth to assist with physical health, why wouldn’t he do the same for mental? If we MuST link mental illnesses to religion and spirituality, at least think of it this way: god put therapists there for a reason. To be used. In the exact same way medical doctors are. oh and one more thing – mental illness isn’t something one needs ‘serious prayer’ or deliverance for! That would only make the person feel as though something was spiritually wrong with them, worsening the situation by a billion fold.

‘Depression is genuine. Prayer alone isn’t always the solution. We also need support’ – Anonymous tweeter (paraphrased)

as mentioned earlier, treat physical and mental illness as almost one in the same. If typhoid cannot be cured by simply just prayer and deliverance, then neither can your son’s anxiety.

4. last but not least – parents, be there for your kids: we know that your average nigerian trivialises poor mental health, but this does not mean you have to do the same. From what I’ve observed on Twitter, such little care is given to mentally ill [nigerian] millennials that they’ve had to turn to social media to air their grievances. Don’t get me wrong – talking about stuff like this on social media is a brave and comforting thing to do, as there are millions of people of all ages going through the same things who can almost definitely relate (and add a bit of humour too). however, social media cannot always fill the void that genuine parental care can, so please – always be there for your kids!

So, that pretty much wraps up today’s discussion! I hope the older generation has taken something from this and if not, I shall summarise:

MENTAL ILLNESS IS A THING. IT AFFECTS THE MILLENIAL GENERATION MORE THAN YOU SEEM TO REALISE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE IT AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM!

Stay tuned for the next episode where I address the next most popular thing thousands of millennials on Twitter wished their parents’ generation understood: Feminism.

** Join in on the conversation on Twitter using the hashtag #FTM!**