Telling a secret when relationships go wrong
Most times, friends confide in us in their moments of despair, but what do we do with such secrets when we fall out with them? Do we turn around and betray the trust simply because we feel hurt or want to hurt them? Is it right to use a secret told you in confidence against someone? What happened to the virtues of integrity and loyalty?
Ifeyinwa Nwafor, 39-year-old teacher, says, “We all pass through that once in a while but somehow God gives us the strength to pull through. It happens and at the end of the day, we end up asking ourselves why we invested confidence in them. It can be very frustrating when it involves intimate partners and thinking they will always have your back at all times. Coming out from a similar situation, I would say God always has the final say. Man may scheme and plan but God will always provide a way of triumph for you.”
It tells a lot more about your person, than the person you are up against. The people who push such people on during the fracas know better than to confide in such spiteful people when the rubber hits the road. Suddenly, they remember how you rubbished and humiliated others in the past and so they refrain from arming you with sensitive information about themselves, lest they get stung by your unbridled insults, vehemence and betrayal.
Mariam Abdulfatai, 40-yearold civil servant, believes people who spill all because they are not in good terms with the person are not worthy of being given a second chance in the relationship. “People forget that such actions close any door or window for possible reconciliation. When the victims of your malicious action refuse to have anything to do with you, they are termed bitter and unforgiving. But I think it all boils down to wisdom. I don’t see the offended as being bitter and unforgiving but someone who has decided to take protective measures after getting one’s fingers burnt due to vulnerability and too much trust in the supposed friend. I also believe that anyone who takes pleasure in this kind of disloyalty and wickedness will surely be paid back in their own coin. They will meet their waterloo and get served the same treatment.”
Oluwafunsho Babatunde 43-year-old surveyor, says “Well, anytime you confide in another, we should know that such a person even with the best of intentions is human and can divulge information at anytime. Most times, when I tell people things in secret and they spill it, I don’t blame them but myself. I have learnt not to confide in human beings. Don’t we even hear priests during Sunday sermon divulging information relating to their members? I’m not against loyalty. But I’m conscious of the scripture which says ‘woe unto them who put their confidence in man’.”
Umma Adamu, 40-year-old health practitioner, says, “Any secret I share, I do have it at the back of my mind that it could leak. It can only delay but it will eventually leak. I would not be surprised if it does so my advice is for one to go on with life. Assume that the secret will leak at some point even before confiding in that person so you will not be shocked when it eventually happens. If you can’t bear for it to leak, then keep your secret to yourself.
“However, let us do unto others as we would like them to do unto us. We can all improve on our capacity to keep confidential information in the interest of the trust reposed in us. Our word should be our bond. My mum always says “anything you don’t want out shouldn’t leave your lips. If you can’t do yourself the favour of keeping your own secret why do you expect anyone to keep
it for you? However, no man is an island and we sometimes need to share our burdens with someone we think we can trust. Whether they spill or not, that’s their cup of tea.”