Drinkers reser­va­tion quota..!

Pakistan Observer - - OPINION -

WITH more and more state govern­ment go­ing in for elec­tions promis­ing pro­hi­bi­tion of liquor, drinkers have started feel­ing a lit­tle in­se­cure! “We are form­ing a na­tional po­lit­i­cal party!” said the town drunk, as he stood at my doorstep and handed me a leaflet, “and we would like you to at­tend!”

“Who told you I drink?” I asked ner­vously look­ing back to see if my wife was lis­ten­ing. “No­body!” said the town drunk, “But we can make out a drinker just by look­ing at one! Will you come?” “Okay!” I whis­pered look­ing back again, “But only be­cause I am a writer!” “It is time you drinkers came out of the closet,” said the town drunk, “and stopped hid­ing be­hind your steel tum­blers!” It was a noisy scene at the first meet­ing of the Drinkers Party. I re­alised they had al­ready elected a chair­man, “He can drink a whole bot­tle of dharu!” said the town drunk as he sat next to me, “So we elected him chair­man!”

“First item on the agenda!” said the chair­man, and from his voice I knew he had al­ready fin­ished his quota. “The govern­ment is cut­ting wa­ter by 50% to beer and liquor com­pa­nies!” said the sec­re­tary of the party at his side.

“So we write a let­ter to the govern­ment signed by all of us say­ing we prom­ise to help the drought sit­u­a­tion by not drink­ing a drop of wa­ter from to­day! We will drink our liquor neat!” The crowd was ec­static, “He will make an ex­cel­lent chair­man!” said the town drunk at my el­bow, “I have a feel­ing we will win the elec­tion!”

“And now the im­por­tant an­nounce­ment!” said the chair­man, and you couldn’t hear even a glass tin­kle in the room, “Since 32 % of the men drink in the coun­try, which makes us a size­able mi­nor­ity, we will ask the govern­ment to give us Reser­va­tions!” A cheer broke out in the room, fol­lowed by a stand­ing ova­tion, and then the men jumped on top of ta­bles, started swing­ing chairs around and even break­ing bot­tles. “Reser­va­tions for us! Reser­va­tions for drinkers!” they shouted and sud­denly I re­alised they were all ready to leave the hall and ag­i­tate on the streets and roads.

“Smash buses!” cried a drinker as he waved his whisky glass. “Burn cars!” said a beer drinker throw­ing his bot­tle onto the fan. “Rape!” cried the village drunk, as I told him to shut up. There was a stam­pede to­wards the door, when sud­denly a govern­ment of­fi­cial en­tered with a let­ter to the chair­man. The drinkers were sud­denly quiet and then there was a roar of de­light as the chair­man shouted, “The govern­ment has agreed to give us reser­va­tion!”

“This is a good govern­ment,” said the town drunk, “It gives reser­va­tions for all! Here fill up this form! Once you fill it the chair­man will sign it!”

“What is it?” I asked, star­ing cu­ri­ously at the form. “Reser­va­tion Cer­tifi­cate!” said the town drunk, “With this your son, daugh­ter can get Drinkers Reser­va­tion Quota in any col­lege, and you can get reser­va­tion in govern­ment job in­stead of writ­ing ev­ery­day..!” —Email:bob­s­ban­ter@gmail.com

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