Who takes the blame?
SOMETHING that saddens me on reading about a suicide is hearing parents blaming some boy who was involved with their girl and who they feel caused the death of their daughter. My question to them is, didn’t you build your child up to be able to handle life? Why are you blaming situations and circumstances when the foundation you gave your child was so weak they could take their own life?
Not just suicides, but even when children turn to crime, become violent; shouldn’t the parents be arrested? Aren’t they to blame? Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story in parenting:
“I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.
One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father ask me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, ‘I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.’ After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00. He anxiously asked me, ‘Why were you late?’ I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, ‘The car wasn’t ready, so I had to wait,’ not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he caught me in the lie, he said: ‘There’s something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn’t give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I’m going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.’
So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn’t leave him, so for five-anda-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again. The father took the blame for the son’s lie, he wanted time to think out where he had gone wrong. Do we have the courage to do the same, or do we always blame; that boy, that girl, his wife, her husband, instead of looking at ourselves? I’ll take it a step farther; start investing into your children that they’ll be strong and handle the sometimes cruel waves life throws at them..!