ONE of the saddest sights seen is when a husband or wife dies and leaves behind an aged spouse. You can literally see the one left behind asking silently, “Why did you leave me here?
What will I do alone?” And though the question is silently asked, it’s one that is asked by all. The other day I rang a widow, who had asked me for help in getting her daughter married, “How are you Kamala?” I asked. “It is thirteen years and hundred days since he left me!” she wept on the phone. Just imagine, for nearly twenty five percent of her life she had been counting every day. Sad isn’t it, and to a great extent, so unnecessary.
There is a time for grieving, and a time for moving on. It may vary from person to person, but the moving on has to take place. When we don’t move on, we are actually allowing self-pity to come into our lives and finally depression. And this depression does not stop with just the person who is grieving, it slowly drags down all those around; their children, grandchildren, everybody.
You have to move on, painful though it maybe, cruel though it may sound. But to survive it is a must. And in not moving on, the worst is loneliness.
How do we tackle it? First by realising that like us there are hundreds and thousands in the same city, same town, even same suburb who are as lonely as we. Second, in realising that we don’t have to be lonely, that in getting in touch with another who is in the same state, we are actually benefitting two individuals, that person and also us!
Something that may keep us from that step could be our social concerns, “What will my daughter or son say? What will society think?” Absolutely true concerns, but how much can your children or society give towards solving your loneliness? Maybe a day or two. Maybe a few weeks, and then?
Move on. Get in touch. Even your spouse who left you, wherever he or she is, and we all believe, he or she is in a happier place, will be all the more happier when they see joy on your face again. We believe that the dead go to a happier place, but I have heard that our grief makes them sad, so take that first step towards looking after yourself.
Stop counting the days, stop saying five years and twenty days. I spoke to that same lady, I told her to start moving on, get in touch with others, maybe just a round of scrabble, maybe a walk in a park, maybe….! —Email:firstname.lastname@example.org