Move on..!

Pakistan Observer - - OPINION -

ONE of the sad­dest sights seen is when a hus­band or wife dies and leaves be­hind an aged spouse. You can lit­er­ally see the one left be­hind ask­ing silently, “Why did you leave me here?

What will I do alone?” And though the ques­tion is silently asked, it’s one that is asked by all. The other day I rang a widow, who had asked me for help in get­ting her daugh­ter mar­ried, “How are you Ka­mala?” I asked. “It is thir­teen years and hun­dred days since he left me!” she wept on the phone. Just imag­ine, for nearly twenty five per­cent of her life she had been count­ing ev­ery day. Sad isn’t it, and to a great ex­tent, so un­nec­es­sary.

There is a time for griev­ing, and a time for mov­ing on. It may vary from per­son to per­son, but the mov­ing on has to take place. When we don’t move on, we are ac­tu­ally al­low­ing self-pity to come into our lives and fi­nally de­pres­sion. And this de­pres­sion does not stop with just the per­son who is griev­ing, it slowly drags down all those around; their chil­dren, grand­chil­dren, every­body.

You have to move on, painful though it maybe, cruel though it may sound. But to sur­vive it is a must. And in not mov­ing on, the worst is lone­li­ness.

How do we tackle it? First by re­al­is­ing that like us there are hun­dreds and thou­sands in the same city, same town, even same sub­urb who are as lonely as we. Sec­ond, in re­al­is­ing that we don’t have to be lonely, that in get­ting in touch with an­other who is in the same state, we are ac­tu­ally ben­e­fit­ting two in­di­vid­u­als, that per­son and also us!

Some­thing that may keep us from that step could be our so­cial con­cerns, “What will my daugh­ter or son say? What will so­ci­ety think?” Ab­so­lutely true con­cerns, but how much can your chil­dren or so­ci­ety give to­wards solv­ing your lone­li­ness? Maybe a day or two. Maybe a few weeks, and then?

Move on. Get in touch. Even your spouse who left you, wher­ever he or she is, and we all be­lieve, he or she is in a hap­pier place, will be all the more hap­pier when they see joy on your face again. We be­lieve that the dead go to a hap­pier place, but I have heard that our grief makes them sad, so take that first step to­wards look­ing af­ter your­self.

Stop count­ing the days, stop say­ing five years and twenty days. I spoke to that same lady, I told her to start mov­ing on, get in touch with oth­ers, maybe just a round of scrab­ble, maybe a walk in a park, maybe….! —Email:bob­s­ban­ter@gmail.com

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