home For the holidaze

Just be­cause you’re home for the hol­i­days doesn’t mean you're kid againg. So why it so freak­ing hard to stop your­self from act­ing like a teenager? Make this year your fi­nally es­tab­lish an adult re­la­tion­ship with your par­ents - no re­gress­ing!

Cosmopolitan (Philippines) - - News -

There is a mag­i­cal place that re­v­erses al­most ev­ery sign of ag­ing. It’s your par­ents’ house—and chances are that, with the hol­i­days com­ing up, you will soon be ex­pe­ri­enc­ing its power first-hand. Out­side your child­hood home, you are an in­de­pen­dent grownup with a job and vague con­cerns about tak­ing vi­ta­mins. In­side it, you’re still a cranky teenager. “I found my­self stomp­ing up the stairs, slam­ming the bed­room door and scream­ing, ‘You don’t understand!’” says Ana*, de­scrib­ing a re­cent fight she had with her dad. “It was ridicu­lous. I thought, ‘I’m 30 years old; I’m mar­ried; I man­age a mul­ti­mil­lion bud­get at my job.’ How did this hap­pen?”

For women who have made their lives in a fast-paced city, the sit­u­a­tion is even more com­plex. Michelle** is a 25-year-old sale­sand-mar­ket­ing ex­ec­u­tive who adores her hec­tic life­style. “I’m al­ways at­tend­ing func­tions or meet­ings where ev­ery­thing is very cor­po­rate,” she says. “In my down­time, I do bal­let, yoga, and pho­tog­ra­phy.” Michelle ex­plains that al­though she was born in a small town, she went to univer­sity in the big city. It’s no won­der that go­ing home is a cul­ture shock.

“It’s really hard for me to forget the things I learnt at school,” she says. “For ex­am­ple, I was taught that you have to look a per­son in the eye when you speak to them, but at home, this is seen as dis­re­spect­ful. Ev­ery­thing is dif­fer­ent at home.”

Things are even more dif­fi­cult when she goes to visit her hus­band’s par­ents. Be­cause she’s only been mar­ried a few years, Michelle is still re­garded as a new bride. Michelle is ex­pected to rise at dawn to take care of house­hold du­ties, from wash­ing dishes to making lunch. You don’t even have to be in a sit­u­a­tion such as Michelle’s to find your­self crack­ing un­der the pres­sure—which can some­times lead to tantrums. A smell, sound, or the way your par­ents talk to you can trig­ger a mem­ory that brings out your an­gry 14-year-old, says psy­chi­a­trist Janet Tay­lor. “Es­pe­cially dur­ing the hol­i­days, it’s easy to fall back into ex­pected roles,” she says.

Forget find­ing the right ca­reer, apart­ment, or mate: es­tab­lish­ing a ma­ture re­la­tion­ship with your par­ents is one of the big­gest hur­dles of your 20s and 30s. Your mom and dad re­al­ize you’re an adult but they also re­mem­ber you as an in­fant whose nap­pies they had to deal with. You’re the one who has changed— so it’s your job to show them that, th­ese days, you can han­dle your own (metaphor­i­cal) nap­pies. How? Fol­low this handy ad­vice.

Do you want in on the fun the adults

are hav­ing?

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