Don’t Be that Couple

You’re cool to­gether— but do friends see it that way? Or does your can­cel­ing on them, post­ing up­dates on your cou­ple­dom, and OTT Pdas drive them crazy? Get a grip on bad couple habits.

Cosmopolitan (Philippines) - - News -

1 You won’t go any­where with­out him The two of you an item. Great. But con­joined twins? Grat­ing! When friends in­vite you out don’t al­ways ask if you can bring your man—or worse, as­sume you can and bring him any­way. Es­pe­cially if it was to be a GF fest of pedis, piz­zas, and Or­ange is The new black. How­ever much they like him (and chances are they do, if he makes you happy), some­times friends want to see only you.

take It FROM a PRO “Me-time is as im­por­tant as we-time,” says coun­sel­ing psy­chol­o­gist Rakhi Beekrum. “It’s es­sen­tial to de­velop your own in­ter­ests, alone or with friends, or you risk los­ing your­self and not hav­ing a sep­a­rate iden­tity, which you’re likely to re­gret later in life. Be­sides, with sep­a­rate in­ter­ests there’s al­ways some­thing more to talk about—and time apart gives you a chance to miss each other.”

“Your friends can be a good sup­port struc­ture,” says life and ex­ec­u­tive coach Thabisile Zikalala. “When you sud­denly side­line them, you lose that pil­lar.”

SIM­I­LARLY ob­nox­ious

Check­ing with your man be­fore com­mit­ting even to cof­fee.

Con­stantly can­cel­ing com­mit­ments be­cause you’re ‘go­ing some­where to­gether’ (prob­a­bly un­der the cov­ers).

Hang­ing only with other cou­ples. Your sin­gle friends are peo­ple too—so what if there’s an odd num­ber at the din­ner ta­ble!

2 You con­stantly talk about him and your re­la­tion­ship

You love him, so you love talk­ing about him. Friends get that. But when you make ev­ery con­ver­sa­tion about him, STFU.

take It FROM a PRO Turn­ing ev­ery topic to you and your man will bore and an­noy oth­ers—even hurt them, if they’re not in good re­la­tion­ships or places in their own life, says Beekrum. It can also sig­nal in­se­cu­rity, be­cause you have an un­con­scious need to con­vince your­self how bliss­ful your re­la­tion­ship is—or prove it to oth­ers.

SIM­I­LARLY ob­nox­ious

Us­ing the royal ‘we’—‘we hate shell­fish, ‘We think Bastille rocks.’

Speak­ing or or­der­ing for each other: ‘We’ll have the chicken, sauce on the side, ex­tra rice.”

Dress­ing alike or or wear­ing each other’s clothes—it’s just plain spooky.

Giv­ing un­so­licited re­la­tion­ship ad­vice to oth­ers or con­stantly set­ting them up on dates. Not ev­ery sin­gle wants to be in a re­la­tion­ship, or en­vies yours.

3 You con­stantly post about him and your re­la­tion­ship

Lovey-dovey mes­sages are best shared as pil­low talk or lip­stick mes­sages on the bath­room mir­ror. Oth­ers can find them icky, and of you break up, they can come back to haunt you. As for con­stant Face­book sta­tus up­dates, th­ese go from ir­ri­tat­ing to ridicu­lous when you go from ‘in a re­la­tion­ship’ to ‘it’s com­pli­cated,’ back to ‘sin­gle,’ and back again, rid­ing the end­less re­la­tion­ship roller­coaster.

take It FROM a PRO “The most pre­cious mo­ments in a re­la­tion­ship are the ones no­body else knows about,” says Beekrum. Are you post­ing things be­cause you truly want to share—or to brag and make friends en­vi­ous? And while some part­ners get a kick out of your pub­lic declarations of af­fec­tion and ad­mi­ra­tions (‘Love you, Bi­iig Boy’), oth­ers may be

em­bar­rassed—even smoth­ered— sens­ing you’re trap­ping them into com­mit­ment. “Your friends may also feel you’re laugh­ing at them be­cause they’re not in a re­la­tion­ship,” says Zikalala.

SIM­I­LARLY ob­nox­ious

In­sta­gram­ming cute couple self­ies of you shar­ing Sun­day brunch in your PJS, hav­ing a tooth­paste fight, check­ing a preg­nancy stick… AAAARGH!

Tweeting or post­ing your end­less ‘an­niver­saries’—‘one month since we shared our first froyo, Sugar Lips.’

4 You push the Pdas

Hold­ing hands and slip­ping an arm around each other some­times can be cute—but go­ing around like that can con­sti­tute a pedes­trian traf­fic ob­struc­tion, and ma­jor ir­ri­ta­tion. Clutch­ing each other’s butt, smooching, and other more overt pub­lic dis­plays of af­fec­tion can make friends (and strangers) un­com­fort­able, es­pe­cially those with cer­tain cul­tural or re­li­gious lean­ings.

take It FROM a PRO PDAS can sig­nal ex­hi­bi­tion­ism or ego­ism (‘Look at me!’) or, more likely, in­se­cu­rity. Beekrum says, “While some are gen­uine ex­pres­sions of love, oth­ers are telling oth­ers, ‘ That’s my man.’”

“There can even be abuse of some form be­ing de­flected or masked by the lovey-dovey dis­plays,” says Zikalala. Check in with your­self.

SIM­I­LARLY ob­nox­ious

Feed­ing each other: a fork­ful to taste is one thing; a Ladyand­thetramp spaghetti smooch is quite an­other.

Groom­ing him. If you must fix his hair or tie, do it be­fore you leave home.

Us­ing pet names (Honey Buns, Sausage)—his friends will tease him for­ever.

Talk­ing about your sex life to oth­ers. Open­ing up oc­ca­sion­ally to your BFF is okay, but in gen­eral, your pri­vate life is best kept pri­vate.

5 You ar­gue in pub­lic

The only thing worse than lov­ing it up in pub­lic is lash­ing out there. You may enjoy the drama and the make-up sex later, but it’s awk­ward for friends— es­pe­cially if they’re asked to take sides.

take It FROM a PRO “Dif­fer­ences should be ad­dressed in pri­vate, openly, hon­estly, and calmly as pos­si­ble— not in pub­lic, where it can be­come more about points-scor­ing, as well as be­ing em­bar­rass­ing to your part­ner,” says Beekrum.

SIM­I­LARLY ob­nox­ious

Con­stantly cor­rect­ing each other—‘it’s pro­nounced “krem broolay” not “kreemee broolee.”’—no one cares, and you seem smug and controlling. If he’s the cor­rec­tor, wait un­til you’re alone to avoid a scene, then tell him cor­rect­ing you in front of oth­ers makes you feel bad, and ask to chat about it.

Con­stantly talk­ing to friends about your fights, turn­ing them into ther­a­pists, and dump­ing on them. We all need to vent (that’s part of what friends are for)—but don’t make it a habit.

# Ge­ta­room

PDI: Pub­lic Dis­play of In­se­cu­rity?

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