I have a friend—
I’ll call her Claire—who can enter a room and effortlessly have all the dudes there eating out of her hand. On three occasions, three separate male friends contacted me within 24 hours of meeting her to ask if she was single. Thing is, Claire isn’t a Gigi Hadid look-alike or a bombshell with a permablowout. She’s down-to-earth and adorable. She wears reading glasses, peasant dresses, and an open smile. A textbook sexpot she is not, yet everyone wants to bask in her presence.
We all know it when we see it—that ineffable quality that seems to settle, fairy-dust-like, on certain people wherever they go. “It’s a genuine sexiness, not just ‘I’m trying to look like that hot girl on Instagram,” says Sari Cooper, a sex therapist in New York City. (She calls it sex esteem.) And as more flirting takes place within Tinder’s messaging system, face-to-face magnetism has become more rare. “We’ve become lazy and forgotten that charisma is still essential in dating,” says Matthew Hussey, the dating coach behind Howtogettheguy.com and a Cosmo columnist. What works online—quick and snarky humor—doesn’t always work