HOW DID WE GET HERE?
Societal (or self-inflicted) pressure makes us long to be in a relationship, so we fake connections. Telling ourselves that at least we’re dating someone and that we’re ‘totally cool’ with how things are when maybe, actually, we’re not is no big deal… right? Dr. Eve says it is. “Being in a fake relationship can feel
COSMOPOLITAN very disjointed because you don’t know where the boundaries are,” she says.
Does this blurred-line relationship truly make you happy? Because the truth is, at some point, you’re bound to let the pretense slip. Once you figure out that you haven’t been honest and you’re not totally cool with the fact that he’s not 100% committed, feelings of betrayal, hurt, and disappointment are bound to follow.
“Although we enjoy trying alternative models of dating, at the end of the day we’re still expecting the same things from them,” says Dr. Eve. “We want to feel loved and special.” If that’s not happening, it’s time to get real. So pull up a chair, get a glass of wine, and listen up. You’re not in a healthy relationship if…
HE HAS MULTIPLE GIRLFRIENDS (AND YOU KNOW IT)
The biggest thing here is that he’s putting you at risk of contracting an Sti—but apart from that, if he’s the only guy you’re dating, your self-respect should demand the same from him. Mvakali’s advice? “Don’t be a doormat. Leave.”
YOU’RE BEST BUDS… AND SLEEPING TOGETHER
Maybe you started out as friends but now you look
march 2016 forward to your time together a little more than you would with an ordinary friend. What makes it worse is that his affection towards you can easily be misinterpreted as something deeper. Heads up, says Mvakali: You need to learn to distinguish between platonic love and romantic feelings. If you’re sleeping with him, you’re even more likely to develop a stronger pull for him. If that’s not reciprocated, it’s going to sting. If he wants to stay friends, dial back on the physical stuff.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
It’s easy to convince yourself that given time, he’ll come around, or even to tell yourself that it’s natural for one person in the relationship to be more dedicated than the other. The truth is that any relationship is a two-way street, and if he is not making any advances of his own, it’s unlikely to progress. If he’s actually told you he doesn’t feel as strongly as you do, cut ties. Heartbreak is around the corner so it’s best to get it over with—it will be easier if it’s your decision.
HE HASN’T INTRODUCED YOU TO HIS FAMILY OR FRIENDS
Nope, he’s not shy. Or busy. This is a telling sign, says Dr. Eve. “When two people start dating, they form a circle,” she says. ”When their relationship feels solid, they start to open that circle to other people. If he’s not doing this, he may be afraid it won’t last or be unwilling to make a commitment.”
YOU’RE USING EACH OTHER TO make OTHERS JEALOUS
You’re both a bit lonely and there’s nothing much going on in your love life, so why