HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Cosmopolitan (Philippines) - - Love, Lust & Other Stuff -

So­ci­etal (or self-in­flicted) pres­sure makes us long to be in a re­la­tion­ship, so we fake con­nec­tions. Telling our­selves that at least we’re dat­ing some­one and that we’re ‘to­tally cool’ with how things are when maybe, ac­tu­ally, we’re not is no big deal… right? Dr. Eve says it is. “Be­ing in a fake re­la­tion­ship can feel

COS­MOPOLI­TAN very dis­jointed be­cause you don’t know where the bound­aries are,” she says.

Does this blurred-line re­la­tion­ship truly make you happy? Be­cause the truth is, at some point, you’re bound to let the pre­tense slip. Once you fig­ure out that you haven’t been hon­est and you’re not to­tally cool with the fact that he’s not 100% com­mit­ted, feel­ings of be­trayal, hurt, and dis­ap­point­ment are bound to fol­low.

“Al­though we en­joy try­ing al­ter­na­tive mod­els of dat­ing, at the end of the day we’re still ex­pect­ing the same things from them,” says Dr. Eve. “We want to feel loved and spe­cial.” If that’s not hap­pen­ing, it’s time to get real. So pull up a chair, get a glass of wine, and lis­ten up. You’re not in a healthy re­la­tion­ship if…

HE HAS MUL­TI­PLE GIRL­FRIENDS (AND YOU KNOW IT)

The big­gest thing here is that he’s putting you at risk of con­tract­ing an Sti—but apart from that, if he’s the only guy you’re dat­ing, your self-re­spect should de­mand the same from him. Mvakali’s ad­vice? “Don’t be a door­mat. Leave.”

YOU’RE BEST BUDS… AND SLEEP­ING TO­GETHER

Maybe you started out as friends but now you look

march 2016 for­ward to your time to­gether a lit­tle more than you would with an or­di­nary friend. What makes it worse is that his af­fec­tion to­wards you can eas­ily be mis­in­ter­preted as some­thing deeper. Heads up, says Mvakali: You need to learn to dis­tin­guish be­tween pla­tonic love and ro­man­tic feel­ings. If you’re sleep­ing with him, you’re even more likely to de­velop a stronger pull for him. If that’s not re­cip­ro­cated, it’s go­ing to sting. If he wants to stay friends, dial back on the phys­i­cal stuff.

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

It’s easy to con­vince your­self that given time, he’ll come around, or even to tell your­self that it’s nat­u­ral for one per­son in the re­la­tion­ship to be more ded­i­cated than the other. The truth is that any re­la­tion­ship is a two-way street, and if he is not mak­ing any ad­vances of his own, it’s un­likely to progress. If he’s ac­tu­ally told you he doesn’t feel as strongly as you do, cut ties. Heart­break is around the cor­ner so it’s best to get it over with—it will be eas­ier if it’s your de­ci­sion.

HE HASN’T IN­TRO­DUCED YOU TO HIS FAM­ILY OR FRIENDS

Nope, he’s not shy. Or busy. This is a telling sign, says Dr. Eve. “When two peo­ple start dat­ing, they form a cir­cle,” she says. ”When their re­la­tion­ship feels solid, they start to open that cir­cle to other peo­ple. If he’s not do­ing this, he may be afraid it won’t last or be un­will­ing to make a com­mit­ment.”

YOU’RE US­ING EACH OTHER TO make OTH­ERS JEAL­OUS

You’re both a bit lonely and there’s noth­ing much go­ing on in your love life, so why

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Philippines

© PressReader. All rights reserved.