When should you bring up sex With a partner?
(whether it’s casual sex or with long-term prospects), a good time to start talking about sex is, oh, probably around the first time you have it…and then the next time…and then the time after that. it doesn’t have to be a big discussion, but filling each other in on what you are and aren’t into sets you up for a satisfying sex life in which it’s not a big deal to bring up an issue down the line.
it can seem a bit more stressful, since you don’t want your partner to think they’ve been getting it wrong this whole time. ease into the convo: Start by talking about talking about sex first. “for example, say, ‘we don’t talk too much about what we love and don’t love—and i’d like for us to try to do more of that. what do you think?’” byers suggests. you don’t have to sit down at the kitchen table for a sexual Sona, but start gradually bringing it up. begin by giving positive feedback on something your partner does that you like. then talk about other stuff you’d like more of. remember, it’s a flirty, ongoing discussion, not a critique!
keep talking about it. don’t think about this as a summit meeting that you have with your partner once, cross off the list, and never discuss again. instead, think of this as starting an open dialogue. it’s important to be able to express your likes and desires frequently, because what you’re into one day might not be what you’re into next week or next year. “it’s no different from if you’re walking and you tell your person you’d rather take a different route this time,” says byers. “it doesn’t have to be a big deal.”