Why’d I keep do­ing it? the sex. sim­ple as that. ”

Cosmopolitan (Philippines) - - Love, Lust & Other Stuff -

on might see us. Ev­ery time a friend would see me and call out my name, it felt like I would have a heart at­tack—i would al­most throw up with ner­vous­ness. When I’d bring a girl to my place, I’d be ter­ri­fied an­other woman would show up.

I planned ev­ery­thing, even my al­i­bis. The se­cret wasn’t cre­ativ­ity, it was con­sis­tency. That’s why I was never found out. When some­thing changes—your tone, your mood, your rou­tine—you’ll be found out. That takes plan­ning, and that means stress. Thank­fully, only my friends would catch me, and the so-called Bro Code dic­tated that no one would ever speak of it. My exes still don’t know.

Why’d I keep do­ing it? The sex. Sim­ple as that. I’ve seen it hap­pen, though, that a lot of men have the emo­tional con­nec­tions with mul­ti­ple women, but for me, it was just sex. Most men try to hide be­hind the Bro Code that cheat­ing is only cheat­ing if you’re emo­tion­ally in­vested, but we all know that isn’t the case. Cat­a­lyst for Change I only stopped cheat­ing when I met my cur­rent girl­friend. Aside from the fact that she kept up with my bull­shit of me be­ing me, be­cause I’m not ex­actly the eas­i­est per­son to get along with, she made me want to be­come a bet­ter man. She took care of me when I needed her.

I had been sin­gle eight months when I met her. I made a hit on her and, to tell you the truth, she and I started off as FUBUS. It was then that I started sleep­ing around less, not be­cause I didn’t want to, but be­cause I be­came so busy with work, and I spent all my spare time with her.

I could see my­self spend- ing my life with her, and I’m se­cure in that. I can see be­yond the sex now, and that’s only hap­pened with her. I loved the others, as much as I could have then, but they can’t com­pare to this one. This one made me want to be bet­ter. But she never even went out of her way to change me.

She knows I was a wom­an­izer, be­cause when we met, we had com­mon friends who knew about my es­capades.

I’ve asked my­self why I didn’t cheat on her, and I re­al­ized it was be­cause I got ev­ery­thing that I needed. The sex, the love, ev­ery­thing. She’s the only girl­friend I’ve had who I was re­ally proud to show off to my friends—she’s in­de­pen­dent, she’s strong, she’s smart, she’s hot, she has her shit to­gether.

I look back now, and the peak of my cheat­ing and wom­an­iz­ing was prob­a­bly the most stress­ful time of my life. It’s tir­ing, and al­though you could say I was suc­cess­ful, I just got tired of it. The re­wards stopped out­weigh­ing the stress.

I’m not tempted to cheat any­more. Which isn’t to say that I don’t ap­pre­ci­ate women now, but it’s gone from “I wanna sleep with her,” to “Yeah, she’s cute.” That’s as far as it goes.

Hap­pi­ness wasn’t even the goal when I was cheat­ing. It was just sex­ual sat­is­fac­tion. But now, I’m happy. Do I think cheaters can be re­formed? I was. Not all can, but yes, they can change. I think all cheaters con­sider stop­ping at some point. But some­times it’s re­ally meet­ing the right woman that will make them stop. Short of it be­ing a psy­cho­log­i­cal dis­or­der, cheat­ing can stop when a man finds the right per­son to be with. It sounds corny, but it’s true. With the right per­son, you won’t look for any­thing else. ■

once a Cheater, al­ways a Cheater?

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