THE SON OF EL GIMIKERO

...well a new guy takes on the un­der­world to be pre­cise

FHM (Philippines) - - Contents -

I’ve never been to a gen­tle­men’s bar be­fore, be­lieve it or not. I never re­ally un­der­stood why some­one would pay ridicu­lous amounts of money just to have a good time out when th­ese days, all you need to do is go on Tin­der or some other dat­ing app to be able to hook up. But hey, I’m not one to diss some­thing till I try it my­self. I wanted to hit a di­verse se­lec­tion of gimikans, so I asked a more ex­pe­ri­enced gimikero to point me in the right di­rec­tion. Luck­ily for me, he went be­yond the code of broth­er­hood and got me some VIP treat­ment in a well-hid­den KTV bar called Veneto Luna, in Or­ti­gas. There was a bevy of girls to pick from their lineup, most of them could even pass for pro­fes­sional mod­els. A great tip to know when go­ing to KTV bars is to al­ways make the man­agers your “beshies,” or in this case your “mamshies.” Con­trary to pop­u­lar be­lief, it doesn’t mat­ter if they know that you’re a first timer. If you play your hand right, spe­cial treat­ment for be­gin­ners is to­tally pos­si­ble. Look for Mami Gina to hook you up with some of her best girls.

There are five kinds of girls in Veneto Luna: re­cep­tion­ists, stage girls, per­form­ers, VIPS, and mod­els. You can get stage girls and VIPS to stay in the VIP room with you for P2,000 each for a cou­ple of hours. The re­cep­tion­ist, per­form­ers, and mod­els aren’t for VIP rooms. They usu­ally just come up on stage to en­ter­tain guests with their numbers. The stage is usu­ally filled by ei­ther street dancers or mod­els; if you squint your eyes a bit, the scene would look like a lesser ver­sion of Wowowin mi­nus the over­bear­ing host and free jack­ets.

All in all, the ex­pe­ri­ence was pretty solid, ex­cept for the fact that things got a bit too pricey and I ended up not hav­ing enough cash on hand. The walk of shame to the ATM wasn’t as bad as I had thought un­til we dis­cov­ered that all five ATMS at the com­pound were out of or­der. We had to take a lit­tle road trip with kuya guard try­ing to find the near­est ATM we could get cash from.

Les­son learned: Al­ways bring twice as much as you ex­pect to spend just in case you lose track of how much you guys or­der; in our case, we spent P10,000/head for the four hours we were there, which was barely enough to have some real fun with the girls. Another tip: Try to keep an eye on how many shots the girls or­der, be­cause the drinks and food are ex­pen­sive. We say load up on some cheap fast­food and even cheaper drinks be­fore head­ing out.

Of course, you don’t re­ally need to shell out if you have the pa­tience and will­ing­ness to in­vest your time and ef­fort. My fel­low gimikero re­counted to me (in great de­tail) his past ex­pe­ri­ences with the girls at th­ese bars. “You can get any girl there at no cost, you just have to charm them. Hindi na­man ako gwapo

pero I’ve never paid a girl just to have some fun. Just get her num­ber tapos

landiin mo and meet up some­time when she’s not work­ing. That’s when you get to show her a real good time.”

so­cial climb­ing

This is eas­ier said than done for a new­bie like my­self, good thing there are places

like Primero Room 526 at the Fort. For P2,000, you get to be classy for an hour, com­plete with a coat that they’ll let you wear, and un­lim­ited drinks for you (but not the girls). Ev­ery hour there­after costs you a thou­sand.

The place has a fairly dif­fer­ent sys­tem from other bars be­cause the girls ro­tate ev­ery 15 min­utes, much like speed dat­ing. You get to learn es­sen­tial

gimikero skills like mak­ing strong first im­pres­sions, keep­ing a con­ver­sa­tion in­ter­est­ing, and most im­por­tantly, ask­ing a girl to meet up out­side and be­ing able to seal the deal.

Sam­ple con­ver­sa­tion: "Taga-saan ka?’ ‘Ah malapit lang dito, sir. Kayo po?’ ‘Ay per­fect’ ‘Bakit sir?’ ‘Para hindi has­sle ma­maya ka­pag iu­uwi mo na ako.’

Con­sider the Ladies' drinks as a sep­a­rate bill. Prices reach up to P4,000 an hour if you’re plan­ning to buy each girl you meet on ro­ta­tion at least one drink. Need­less to say, our bud­get ran low fast so we de­cided to hit a more cost­ef­fec­tive place next—a beer bar named, Gen­tle­men’s Bar along Shaw Boule­vard.

bang for your buck

Se­ri­ously, this place is great if you and your friends just want to chill with some girls. True, the girls here aren’t as well-spo­ken as the girls from the pre­vi­ous places, but you'd be fool­ish to ig­nore them as well. Another quick tip I ob­served is the amount of ladies' drinks you buy for the girls greatly in­creases as they be­come more ad­ven­tur­ous while they’re with you. Another we in­vited tried to put his arm around a girl’s shoul­der but she placed his arm around her waist in­stead. Then he or­dered her a sec­ond drink and got a very ex­cit­ing dance num­ber done in front of him. Ev­ery­one knows that if you treat th­ese girls right, they’ll re­cip­ro­cate that affection as well. The whole visit cost P1,732 for three peo­ple. If that’s not a steal, we don’t know what is. gimikero

a lit­tle bit ex­tra

We could have gone to the VIP sec­tion with the girls and called it a night but we felt like we had to make a last stop at a highly rec­om­mended but se­cret massage place some­where in Kapi­tolyo (try to look for it for your­self). They have a spe­cial Ja­panese massage called Nuru, which in­volves a spe­cial Ja­panese gel ap­plied via body-to-body con­tact.

Once you get to the front desk, the re­cep­tion­ist hands you an ipad with a gallery of photos of the ther­a­pists, which are weirdly cat­e­go­rized into “Guest Thera, Su­per Guest Thera, Hot Picks, Highly Rec­om­mended, and Top Model,” which don’t ac­tu­ally mean any­thing ex­cept that a top model ther­a­pist MIGHT have the chance of be­ing a car show model and cost­ing P2,000 for the ini­tial fee up front at the desk, in­stead of the usual P1500.

Another tip: most of the photos of the girls shown in the cat­a­log are ob­vi­ously heav­ily edited. Some might be a bit chub­bier or a bit thin­ner. If you re­ally have to be sure, you can po­litely ask the re­cep­tion­ist for the the girl to show her­self be­fore go­ing for it.

The girls are ac­tu­ally quite pretty, maybe not as much as their photos, but still at­trac­tive, and most im­por­tantly they are skilled at what they do. You start by tak­ing a bath to­gether to break the ice and get to know each other a bit. The massage it­self was an awe­some slip and slide ex­pe­ri­ence (we’d give an arm and a leg to know where they get that gel). They don’t re­ally mind if you’re a bit touchy dur­ing the massage, espe­cially to­wards the end, when you’re more com­fort­able with one another, just don’t go grab­bing right at the very start.

Af­ter the massage, she’ll ask if you want the usual for a thou­sand pe­sos ex­tra, or give you some more ad­vanced op­tions cost­ing about thrice as much. Remember the un­writ­ten rule: Don’t be a prick about it—a lit­tle bit of lamb­ing can take you all the way. Oh, and you can ac­tu­ally ask the re­cep­tion­ist how many clients a ther­a­pist has had be­cause some of them get a bit cranky if you’re their 10th cus­tomer of the day. Just feel things out with her so both of you can have a good time. The re­cep­tion­ist, Sayuri is a lot of fun to talk to, and you can ac­tu­ally pick her as a ther­a­pist.

I learned a lot dur­ing this fruit­ful ex­pe­ri­ence and maybe even gained some long time friends through th­ese cher­ished mem­o­ries that we shared. I’m not sure when and where the next gim­mick will be. I'm not sure if I had ac­tu­ally ful­filled the mis­sion of be­com­ing this gen­er­a­tion's El Gimikero for this as­sign­ment (lore has it he plays the A game), but rest as­sured, this green­horn has taken the lessons to heart.

AS TOLD TO

CHISE AL­CAN­TARA

IL­LUS­TRA­TIONS

MELVIN CALINGO

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