THE SON OF EL GIMIKERO
...well a new guy takes on the underworld to be precise
I’ve never been to a gentlemen’s bar before, believe it or not. I never really understood why someone would pay ridiculous amounts of money just to have a good time out when these days, all you need to do is go on Tinder or some other dating app to be able to hook up. But hey, I’m not one to diss something till I try it myself. I wanted to hit a diverse selection of gimikans, so I asked a more experienced gimikero to point me in the right direction. Luckily for me, he went beyond the code of brotherhood and got me some VIP treatment in a well-hidden KTV bar called Veneto Luna, in Ortigas. There was a bevy of girls to pick from their lineup, most of them could even pass for professional models. A great tip to know when going to KTV bars is to always make the managers your “beshies,” or in this case your “mamshies.” Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t matter if they know that you’re a first timer. If you play your hand right, special treatment for beginners is totally possible. Look for Mami Gina to hook you up with some of her best girls.
There are five kinds of girls in Veneto Luna: receptionists, stage girls, performers, VIPS, and models. You can get stage girls and VIPS to stay in the VIP room with you for P2,000 each for a couple of hours. The receptionist, performers, and models aren’t for VIP rooms. They usually just come up on stage to entertain guests with their numbers. The stage is usually filled by either street dancers or models; if you squint your eyes a bit, the scene would look like a lesser version of Wowowin minus the overbearing host and free jackets.
All in all, the experience was pretty solid, except for the fact that things got a bit too pricey and I ended up not having enough cash on hand. The walk of shame to the ATM wasn’t as bad as I had thought until we discovered that all five ATMS at the compound were out of order. We had to take a little road trip with kuya guard trying to find the nearest ATM we could get cash from.
Lesson learned: Always bring twice as much as you expect to spend just in case you lose track of how much you guys order; in our case, we spent P10,000/head for the four hours we were there, which was barely enough to have some real fun with the girls. Another tip: Try to keep an eye on how many shots the girls order, because the drinks and food are expensive. We say load up on some cheap fastfood and even cheaper drinks before heading out.
Of course, you don’t really need to shell out if you have the patience and willingness to invest your time and effort. My fellow gimikero recounted to me (in great detail) his past experiences with the girls at these bars. “You can get any girl there at no cost, you just have to charm them. Hindi naman ako gwapo
pero I’ve never paid a girl just to have some fun. Just get her number tapos
landiin mo and meet up sometime when she’s not working. That’s when you get to show her a real good time.”
This is easier said than done for a newbie like myself, good thing there are places
like Primero Room 526 at the Fort. For P2,000, you get to be classy for an hour, complete with a coat that they’ll let you wear, and unlimited drinks for you (but not the girls). Every hour thereafter costs you a thousand.
The place has a fairly different system from other bars because the girls rotate every 15 minutes, much like speed dating. You get to learn essential
gimikero skills like making strong first impressions, keeping a conversation interesting, and most importantly, asking a girl to meet up outside and being able to seal the deal.
Sample conversation: "Taga-saan ka?’ ‘Ah malapit lang dito, sir. Kayo po?’ ‘Ay perfect’ ‘Bakit sir?’ ‘Para hindi hassle mamaya kapag iuuwi mo na ako.’
Consider the Ladies' drinks as a separate bill. Prices reach up to P4,000 an hour if you’re planning to buy each girl you meet on rotation at least one drink. Needless to say, our budget ran low fast so we decided to hit a more costeffective place next—a beer bar named, Gentlemen’s Bar along Shaw Boulevard.
bang for your buck
Seriously, this place is great if you and your friends just want to chill with some girls. True, the girls here aren’t as well-spoken as the girls from the previous places, but you'd be foolish to ignore them as well. Another quick tip I observed is the amount of ladies' drinks you buy for the girls greatly increases as they become more adventurous while they’re with you. Another we invited tried to put his arm around a girl’s shoulder but she placed his arm around her waist instead. Then he ordered her a second drink and got a very exciting dance number done in front of him. Everyone knows that if you treat these girls right, they’ll reciprocate that affection as well. The whole visit cost P1,732 for three people. If that’s not a steal, we don’t know what is. gimikero
a little bit extra
We could have gone to the VIP section with the girls and called it a night but we felt like we had to make a last stop at a highly recommended but secret massage place somewhere in Kapitolyo (try to look for it for yourself). They have a special Japanese massage called Nuru, which involves a special Japanese gel applied via body-to-body contact.
Once you get to the front desk, the receptionist hands you an ipad with a gallery of photos of the therapists, which are weirdly categorized into “Guest Thera, Super Guest Thera, Hot Picks, Highly Recommended, and Top Model,” which don’t actually mean anything except that a top model therapist MIGHT have the chance of being a car show model and costing P2,000 for the initial fee up front at the desk, instead of the usual P1500.
Another tip: most of the photos of the girls shown in the catalog are obviously heavily edited. Some might be a bit chubbier or a bit thinner. If you really have to be sure, you can politely ask the receptionist for the the girl to show herself before going for it.
The girls are actually quite pretty, maybe not as much as their photos, but still attractive, and most importantly they are skilled at what they do. You start by taking a bath together to break the ice and get to know each other a bit. The massage itself was an awesome slip and slide experience (we’d give an arm and a leg to know where they get that gel). They don’t really mind if you’re a bit touchy during the massage, especially towards the end, when you’re more comfortable with one another, just don’t go grabbing right at the very start.
After the massage, she’ll ask if you want the usual for a thousand pesos extra, or give you some more advanced options costing about thrice as much. Remember the unwritten rule: Don’t be a prick about it—a little bit of lambing can take you all the way. Oh, and you can actually ask the receptionist how many clients a therapist has had because some of them get a bit cranky if you’re their 10th customer of the day. Just feel things out with her so both of you can have a good time. The receptionist, Sayuri is a lot of fun to talk to, and you can actually pick her as a therapist.
I learned a lot during this fruitful experience and maybe even gained some long time friends through these cherished memories that we shared. I’m not sure when and where the next gimmick will be. I'm not sure if I had actually fulfilled the mission of becoming this generation's El Gimikero for this assignment (lore has it he plays the A game), but rest assured, this greenhorn has taken the lessons to heart.
AS TOLD TO CHISE ALCANTARA ILLUSTRATIONS MELVIN CALINGO