I’m starting the Yuletide season this early because Jose Mari Chan. Yes, we talked with him (Jose Mari Chan Wishes You a Very Merry Christmas,
pp. 52-56) because the –ber months are here and we’ve seen the memes. Right off, Mr. Chan would like you to know that he does not own Christmas. He also does not control the speakers in malls from September straight through December.
He finds it ridiculous and preposterous that we think so and wish we’d just quit it. But of course he would never say that. Mr. Chan is the most polite person you will ever meet, and his smile is so light that I feel so much joy right now I want to break out into song. Let’s sing Merry Christmas, and a happy holiday… You probably were about to sing along, too. And this is why, despite Mr. Chan’s protests, we are all primed to hear his voice cooing until December.
Especially in malls. By now they will have already activated their holiday mind control protocols. The Christmas tree will be set up four months ahead of schedule, right where everyone can see it, and “Christmas In Our Hearts” will be heard through the speakers, to bring us cheer and subliminally suggest that there are countless gifts to buy so part with your money now.
But we won’t mind, because it’s Christmas. Okay, again, all together now…let’s sing Merry Christmas and a happy holiday…