De­spite all-star cast, ‘Bay­watch’ re­boot stays stuck in the sand

Panay News - - BUSINESS -

of time, all in or­der to make room for more of John­son and Efron’s end­less bick­er­ing over who’s a big­ger boy.

With so much wasted po­ten­tial, it’s hardly sur­pris­ing that Bay­watch went t hrough s i x dif­fer­ent screen­writ­ers, a fran­chise dream team that is, col­lec­tively, re­spon­si­ble for Night At The Mu­seum, Freddy Vs. Ja­son, and The Smurfs. Here, they’ve de­signed another limp, shal­low con­tent-de­liv­ery ma­chine that’s con­cerned only with hit­ting the notes legally re­quired to use the Bay­watch name.

That phi­los­o­phy con­tin­ues right down to the oblig­a­tory “sur­prise” cameos from David Has­sel­hoff and Pamela An­der­son, who, much like the con­stant slow mo­tion, are there sim­ply to con­grat­u­late the au­di­ence for get­ting the ref­er­ence. Af­ter all, no­body – not even the film­mak­ers – cares about Bay­watch all that much. Yet the joke’s on them: In spoof­ing some­thing so for­get­table, they’ve made some­thing even less mem­o­rable. ( Club)


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