SEX FILES

The Star (St. Lucia) - Life Begins 2 Nite - - CONTENTS -

In­fi­delity is a tremen­dously painful thing, both for the per­son who was be­trayed, and also for the per­son who cheated. Un­der­stand­ably, in­fi­delity can be a cat­a­lyst for one or both part­ners to end the re­la­tion­ship, though some­times it can be a cat­a­lyst for them to grow and em­brace a more au­then­tic re­la­tion­ship. Ei­ther way, it's im­por­tant to be hon­est and present with any pain that arises when one or both part­ners cheat, as it presents an in­vi­ta­tion for trans­parency, in­tro­spec­tion and pro­found self-heal­ing.

So whether you cheated or were cheated on, and whether you are plan­ning to stay in the re­la­tion­ship or leave, here are three steps to sup­port you in your process of heal­ing.

1. Prac­tice rad­i­cal hon­esty.

Ask your­self, How hon­est am I about ex­press­ing my true feel­ings? Do I lis­ten and honor what I feel? Com­mit to be­ing as hon­est as hu­manly pos­si­ble with your­self. When we are be­trayed or be­tray, it is a sign we are not be­ing hon­est with our­selves and oth­ers. Ask your­self if you are will­ing and able to for­give your­self and your part­ner for the past.

This step is tough, as there are so many as­sump­tions around cheat­ing that may feel im­pos­si­ble to ig­nore, and likely to dic­tate our re­ac­tions. But the more we ig­nore our in­ter­nal truth, the more we "cheat our­selves."

2. Lis­ten to your bod­ily sen­sa­tions and align with your in­tu­itive guid­ance.

Honor what you feel, be­cause this is your Truth, not an in­vi­ta­tion to sec­ond-guess your­self. When we try to get the an­swers from our in­tel­lect, we of­ten feel con­fused and un­sure. When we trust our heart and gut feel­ings, we gain a more ac­cu­rate as­sess­ment of what is aligned with our soul’s pur­pose and in­tu­ition.

One way to connect is to place our hands over our heart and gut ar­eas and no­tice the sen­sa­tions. We can lit­er­ally ask our bod­ies to an­swer a given ques­tion and wait to no­tice the feel­ing of a “yes or no” an­swer. For ex­am­ple, Do I wish to say "yes" to stay­ing with my my boyfriend even though he cheated on me in this par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion? Wait and no­tice what feel­ing over­takes you. Is it an in­tu­itive feel­ing of “yes," or a feel­ing of “no” for that par­tic­u­lar ques­tion?

When we say “yes” to things that we truly wish to take part in, we feel more pow­er­ful, up­lifted, lighter, pas­sion­ate, joy­ful, happy and en­er­gized. When we do things that we don't truly de­sire, we feel dis­em­pow­ered, weak, re­sent­ful, tired, heavy. The list of neg­a­tive feel­ings goes on. But don't let it.

3. Ac­cept and for­give the past.

Look­ing at the in­stance of be­trayal as an op­por­tu­nity for learn­ing is a game-changer. This at­ti­tude will sup­port trans­for­ma­tion and growth in your process of heal­ing, rather than al­low­ing you to play a vic­tim’s role. And re­gard­less of whether you stay to­gether or sep­a­rate from the per­son who be­trays you, self-for­give­ness is the pri­or­ity.

For­give­ness plays a key role in heal­ing from be­trayal and learn­ing to trust again. We may won­der, How did I not see this com­ing? What is wrong with me? How could she or he do such a thing? How could I do such a thing? But ul­ti­mately, th­ese ques­tions in­still self-blame, and don't sup­port growth. In­stead, in the vein of get­ting rad­i­cally hon­est, ask your­self what you can learn from the pain.

You did not do any­thing wrong to "de­serve" the pain you may be feel­ing, no mat­ter what po­si­tion you are in. So take this op­por­tu­nity as a real gift to begin or con­tinue cul­ti­vat­ing the art of be­ing loyal to your­self. Be­cause if you learn never to be­tray your­self, you will never at­tract and al­low oth­ers to be­tray you.

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