Okay, so it seems the online bom association—henceforth to be referred to as the OBA (not to be confused with OBE!)—has given up on me. I heard not a word not a word not a word from them this week. Still I’m wondering how many laydees responded to their last online advertorial? The money transfer lines were not unusually long last weekend, so could there be a message in there somewhere? Anyways, to the meat (no pun intended) of the matter.
Over the weekend I checked in at a resort for some much needed R&R. After a few drinks I decided to slip into the pool and make like I was a tourist for a few hours. I was barely waist deep in the water when a quite sizable beauty came storming toward the smaller pool, adjacent to mine. Everything about her suggested local, if you know what I mean: loud and mah melee. Naturally I took a few steps backwards, for my own safety, you understand. But then the whale had no interest in me, anyway. What had attracted her was the canoodling couple in the pool a few feet from me, whom I had marked as honeymooners. Turned out the only vow they took together was to have themselves a hot and sweaty weekend behind closed doors. I guess after a few hours of frolicking between the sheets the AC lost its effect. Hence the activity in the pool.
How the real wife found herself on the premises at just about the worst time, I’ve yet to discover. And folks, the lady did not appreciate the Pretty Woman performance with her husband playing Richard Gere to his floozy's Julia Roberts. Funny thing though, it wasn’t Richard Gere who got the tongue lashing. That she saved for the woman wrapped around him. As they say, the only nasty names she didn’t throw at the pretend Julia were those she forgot.
Of course by the time she jumped fully clothed into the pool I had long pulled out and deposited myself onto a pool-side chair, from which vantage I took in the action. Just when my female emotions began to sympathize with the weekend Julia Roberts she said something that almost blew me off my perch. As cool as an icicle she said: “Mam, but why yuh hottin’ up yuh head so? I was only borrowing de man for the weekend!”
Yes, I know it sounds unbelievable. But there you are. With all the imagination in the world I couldn’t make this up. All I could think was: But how some people brave so? The man wife catch you in the act and the best you can say for yourself is you planned to return him after you done? Then again, I guess honesty is always the best policy—if you can find anything honest in this mini-soap.
Thankfully, security intervened. The hotel guests had a great time and doubtless can’t wait to tell the folks back home. Chances are a few shot movies with their cell phones that could end up on YouTube. You never know. Let no one ever say again that local entertainment is lappo!