The Truth Is Out: Looshan Men Love It Thick ‘n’ Jig­gly!

The Star (St. Lucia) - - LOCAL - By Jenna Gas­ton

It’s a com­mon body type among Caribbean women with African blood in our veins: big bat­ties, strong thighs, and dou­ble Ds wrapped up in a spicy per­son­al­i­ties. De­spite the un­end­ing ef­forts of healthy-liv­ing gu­rus, many of us proudly carry a lit­tle ex­tra pad­ding—re­plete with pouches, love han­dles, and as­sorted rolls and folds. In Saint Lu­cia such women are not con­sid­ered tro­phy-wife ma­te­rial. Here phatty-phat girls aren’t arm pieces; not in the open, any­way. They don’t meet the pro­file of what BET beams into our homes, by one means or another. No sur­prise that we are per­ceived by quite a num­ber of the un­in­formed as con­demned to a sad life of closed-door re­la­tion­ships. If only they knew! Af­ter con­duct­ing a sev­eral weeks of in­ter­views that de­manded too many sleep­less nights (ahem!) I now dare to say more Caribbean men than you’d imag­ine pre­fer to jump over well-padded women—in the nicest way. They love to gorge; many ad­mit­ting the best sex they ever had was with ladies whose bones car­ried more than a lit­tle, er, meat.

Nearly all my sub­jects ad­mit­ted they ar­rived in Nir­vana much faster with heavy fe­males. They also found the women far more flex­i­ble than their eas­ily bro­ken coun­ter­parts, and a lot more ad­ven­tur­ous. As for do­ing the dog, hey, Ru­fus Thomas (Google him!) didn’t know the half of it. From a ca­nine van­tage, the guys all claimed, the view was to die for. Most of them vol­un­teered they had cheated on their rel­a­tively skinny girl­friends past and present—with thick women. Sev­eral times! I dis­cov­ered many had bro­ken solemn prom­ises to reg­u­lar­size ladies and placed rings on the fingers of cur­va­ceous hot­ties who were not shy about or­der­ing rice and mac­a­roni as their sides. Now, I’m not claim­ing ev­ery man on this rock is a big meat eater, you un­der­stand. Only that a lot more than you’d ex­pect turned out to be ad­dicted to juicy slabs of flank. Some­thing about the ex­tra fluff ev­i­dently drives them bonk­ing—I mean, bonkers.

The un­cov­ered truth is that when it comes to do­ing the nasty, there ain’t no such thing as fig­ure flaws! My in­ter­views with over twenty sat­is­fied-look­ing plus-size ladies con­vinced me that in the heat of the night (or day) there’s no time for mi­cro­scopic stud­ies of body parts not nec­es­sar­ily in­volved in what’s go­ing down. As far as their deliri­ous part­ners were con­cerned these ladies with their hang­ing midriff rolls might just as well have been six-packed booty­li­cious Bey­once!

Men (who are nat­u­rally over­sen­si­tive crea­tures) love it that plus-size women are less judg­men­tal in the sack than are their un­der­weight sis­ters. Their goal is to make their men as com­fort­able as they are on the field of play. Our shape can also en­hance cer­tain po­si­tions that ap­peal to the voyeur in men of all ages. Need I say more? I think not. Is it a mind thing? Maybe, but then isn’t ev­ery­thing else? Oh, a fi­nal word to my male pals: If you’re a closet thick-girl lover, hey, it’s time to come out. Life’s too short to be deny­ing your heart (not to men­tion other sen­si­tive parts!) what se­cretly they des­per­ately de­sire. Be­sides, you’ll have lots of com­pany at the din­ing ta­ble. As for my con­cerned sis­ters with over­fifty-inch waist mea­sure­ments, well, now the truth is out. Go for it, ladies. You’ll be mak­ing more than a few in-de­nial souls, to say noth­ing of your own, very happy. And that’s al­ways a good thing, right? Whether or not hot sex is in­volved!

Plus-size model Ash­ley Gra­ham has taken the fash­ion world by storm, for ob­vi­ous rea­son: she has a whole lot more to of­fer, if only in the se­cret fan­tasies of males ev­ery­where!

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