Pres­i­den­tial Pussy Grab­bers

Mus­ings are thoughts, the thought­ful kind. For the pur­pose of these ar­ti­cles, a-mus­ings are thoughts that might amuse, en­ter­tain and even en­lighten.

The Star (St. Lucia) - - LOCAL - By Michael Walker

Don­ald Trump will be the lat­est in a proud pro­ces­sion of Pres­i­den­tial Pussy Grab­bers. Thomas Jef­fer­son was ap­par­ently against slav­ery de­spite hav­ing slaves of his own on his plan­ta­tion at Mon­ti­cello. Sally Hem­ings was his light-skinned slave. He fa­thered five of her chil­dren.

Grover Cleve­land was one of three pres­i­dents to get mar­ried while in of­fice. In 1873 he took sales clerk Maria Halpin out for din­ner and, ac­cord­ing to her, he raped her “by use of force and vi­o­lence and with­out my con­sent”. Six weeks later she dis­cov­ered that she was preg­nant. Cleve­land had Maria ar­rested and com­mit­ted to an in­sane asy­lum.

James Garfield, who was as­sas­si­nated 100 days af­ter he as­sumed of­fice in 1881, had many mistresses and was ob­sessed with sex, ho­mo­sex­u­al­ity and mas­tur­ba­tion. He fre­quently took cold show­ers to ward off temp­ta­tion.

Woodrow Wil­son mar­ried in 1885. In 1907 he went to Bermuda where he met Mary Peck who caused him to put aside “stan­dards of hon­ourable be­hav­ior”. When his wife died he be­gan see­ing Edith Galt. The Washington Post ‘ac­ci­den­tally’ re­ported, “The Pres­i­dent has been en­ter­ing Edith Galt reg­u­larly,” clearly a ty­po­graphic er­ror for “en­ter­tain­ing.” A pop­u­lar joke poked fun at the sit­u­a­tion: “What did Mrs. Galt do when the Pres­i­dent of the United States pro­posed to her?” An­swer: “She fell out of bed.”

War­ren Hard­ing was Pres­i­dent for only three years. He died of a heart at­tack though some peo­ple be­lieved his wife poi­soned him be­cause of his nu­mer­ous af­fairs that he didn’t even bother to keep se­cret. The Pres­i­dent had told re­porters: “It’s a good thing I am not a woman. I’d al­ways be preg­nant. I can’t say no.”

The true love of Franklin D. Roo­sevelt was Lucy Mercer who was with him when he died. At one point the Pres­i­dent and First Lady Eleanor, who was said to be in a les­bian re­la­tion­ship, might both have had mistresses liv­ing in the White House.

Dwight D. Eisen­hower fell for his per­sonal driver Kay Sum­mersby, a for­mer model from Great Bri­tain.

It’s no se­cret that John F. Kennedy had his fair share of ex­tra­mar­i­tal af­fairs.

Lyn­don B. John­son was by all ac­counts a “dirty old man”. One of his many part­ners was Made­line Brown who be­came preg­nant with his son Steven. The af­fair lasted 21 years. Lady Bird John­son was quite prag­matic. “My hus­band loved peo­ple. He loved all peo­ple. Now, half the peo­ple in the world are women. You don’t think I could have kept my hus­band away from half the peo­ple in the world, do you?” Af­ter she walked in on her hus­band hav­ing sex with one of his sec­re­taries in the Oval Of­fice, the Se­cret Ser­vice in­stalled a buzzer sys­tem to alert the Pres­i­dent when­ever his wife was nearby.

Bill Clin­ton prob­a­bly went through the most pub­li­cized sex scan­dals in his­tory. The af­fairs be­gan when he was Gov­er­nor of Arkansas. Arkansas troop­ers as­signed to guard him re­called see­ing him in “del­i­cate sit­u­a­tions” with sev­eral dif­fer­ent women. The most fa­mous in­stance was his en­counter with 21-year-old White House in­tern Mon­ica Lewin­sky’s blue dress.

James Buchanan, the first (and so far last) bach­e­lor pres­i­dent, was no pussy grab­ber. For 23 years he lived with Sen­a­tor Wil­liam King, sleep­ing to­gether in the same room. As Buchanan, Amer­ica’s first openly ho­mo­sex­ual pres­i­dent, wrote to a friend af­ter King’s de­par­ture for France: “I am now soli­tary and alone, hav­ing no com­pan­ion in the house with me. I have gone a-woo­ing to sev­eral gen­tle­men, but have not suc­ceeded with any one of them.”

The Washington Post once noted that po­lit­i­cal aide Jen­nifer Fitzger­ald had “served Pres­i­dent-elect Ge­orge Bush in a va­ri­ety of po­si­tions". In 1992, the tabloid New York Post re­peated the al­le­ga­tions. In her book The Power House, jour­nal­ist Su­san Trento claimed that a US am­bas­sador had ar­ranged for Bush and Fitzger­ald to share a guest­house dur­ing an of­fi­cial visit to Geneva in 1988. The Bush fam­ily de­nied the al­le­ga­tions.

So the world may rest easy at Trump’s as­cen­sion to his fan­tas­tic, ter­rific, in­cred­i­ble pres­i­dency of the great­est failed democ­racy the world has ever seen. The born-again, red­neck Amer­i­can peo­ple will get the pussy-grab­bing, much-di­vorced, oft-times bank­ruptcy-seek­ing pres­i­dent that a mi­nor­ity of the elec­torate voted for, and the coun­try will be “great-again”.

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