Mus­ings are thoughts, the thought­ful kind. For the pur­pose of th­ese ar­ti­cles, a-mus­ings are thoughts that might amuse, en­ter­tain and even en­lighten.

The Star (St. Lucia) - - LOCAL - By Michael Walker

Apec­ca­dillo is de­fined as a slight or mi­nor fault, sin or of­fence. In­ter­est­ingly, the plu­ral form of the word, un­like ‘potato', may be spelled with or with­out an ‘e' – pec­ca­dil­los or pec­ca­dil­loes. The same does or does not ap­ply, as My Dear Reader well knows, to dil­dos; some ref­er­ence books list ‘dil­does' as an e-too-far, whereas oth­ers em­brace the ex­tra ‘e', in case you are into e-shop­ping on the In­ter­net.

The poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) ob­served, "The world loves a spice of wicked­ness.” It seems even then that peo­ple were will­ing to for­give pec­ca­dil­loes as youth­ful fool­ish­ness or lapses of judg­ment. The will­ing­ness to over­look petty faults and mi­nor of­fences ex­isted long be­fore English speak­ers bor­rowed a mod­i­fied ver­sion of the Span­ish pecadillo at the end of the 16th cen­tury. Span­ish speak­ers distin­guished the

pecadillo, or ‘lit­tle sin', from the more se­ri­ous pecado, a ‘sin of mag­ni­tude'. And th­ese Span­ish terms can be traced back still fur­ther, to the Latin verb pec­care, mean­ing ‘to sin'.

The us­age of ‘pecker' as slang for pe­nis first ap­peared in Amer­ica in 1902. It is un­clear as to whether or not this us­age de­rives from the use of a pe­nis for sin­ning. One has to hope in all sin­cer­ity that the ex­pres­sion ‘first in the peck­ing or­der' has noth­ing to do with the size of one's gen­i­talia but in th­ese trumped-up days you can­not be sure of any­thing any­more.

I read re­cently that in Saint Lu­cia an honourable gen­tle­man had been caught on cam­era with his pants down and his pecker up. It is in­ter­est­ing to note that such an author­ity as The Cam­bridge Ad­vanced Learner's Dic­tionary quotes the ex­am­ple, “You're do­ing very well. Keep it up!” as ad­mo­ni­tion to carry on the good work. But just a tic, back to Wadsworth for a sec! Old Henry fur­ther­more ob­served, “It takes less time to do a thing right, than to ex­plain why you did it wrong,” some­thing the honourable gen­tle­man should bear in mind.

But let's get back to ‘keep­ing it up'. If by ‘it' one means one's ‘pecker' then one would be keep­ing one's pecker up, pecker be­ing Amer­i­can English for pe­nis which would, I as­sume, re­fer to one's erect (how else?) pecker be­ing up some­thing, the some­thing be­ing in po­lite tra­di­tional us­age a vagina, or in this age of same-sex li­aisons some other ori­fice of choice. Now you, Dear Reader, have to un­der­stand that an erec­tion is a funny thing, es­pe­cially where peck­ers are con­cerned. You see, the Bri­tish use the ad­mo­ni­tion “Keep your pecker up!” quite dif­fer­ently, to en­cour­age some­one who is down, sad, or de­pressed to raise their spir­its, to be cheer­ful and not let ad­verse cir­cum­stances get them down.

There's just one other point, a small one, I would like to men­tion while we are on the sub­ject of an erec­tion be­ing a funny thing. By 'funny,' one does not nec­es­sar­ily mean ‘amus­ing' even though a pe­nis can be a great source of amuse­ment when one is alone and needs to amuse one­self, if one is the pos­ses­sor of a pe­nis that is. Solo-sex is not of course re­stricted to pe­niles; vagi­nals en­joy it too. Cou­ples also ex­pe­ri­ence joys of vary­ing types de­pend­ing on the num­ber of penises in­volved in their re­la­tion­ship.

One's sex­ual be­hav­iour is be­com­ing more rem­i­nis­cent of one's eat­ing habits with each pass­ing day it seems. Car­ni­vores eat meat, while veg­e­tar­i­ans do not. Then there are ve­g­ans, and om­ni­vores eat ev­ery­thing. On the sex­ual front there's a lot more va­ri­ety th­ese days. There's ho­mo­sex­ual, which used to mean sex with some­one of the same sex but has come to re­fer to male-upon-male sex ex­clu­sively, and now goes un­der the mis­nomer of gay sex that em­braces ho­mo­sex and les­bo­sex. Then of course there is bi­sex, tran­nie­sex, the re­cently emerged trans­sex, and of course a-sex, which is what sex in many mar­riages turns out to be, sex with­out sex. We have sado-sex, sm-sex, bdsm-sex, anal-sex, vagi­nal sex, (a.k.a. vaggie-sex, not to be con­fused with veg­gie-sex that in­cludes the use of cu­cum­bers, car­rots and ba­nanas), group­sex and a host of oth­ers.

Broth­els in Bangkok, Thai­land, a coun­try that named its cap­i­tal af­ter its main for­eign earn­ings in­dus­try, the Sex Trade, have started hand­ing out to their es­teemed pa­trons menus that re­sem­ble those you get at Chi­nese restau­rants, which sim­pli­fies the or­der­ing pro­ce­dure. In the bad, old days clients got what they were served. Later they in­tro­duced the buf­fet sys­tem where clients chose from a dis­play of del­i­ca­cies. If clients lusted af­ter any­thing other than reg­u­lar male-fe­male sex they had to go to spe­cial­ist estab­lish­ments that catered for ex­clu­sive tastes. But now ev­ery­thing is much sim­pler at the 'Fast Fuks' as they are called. The client sim­ply pe­ruses the menu, makes a choice and or­ders, for ex­am­ple, “A num­ber 9, 13, and 96 with Aro­matic Dress­ing and Choco­late Sauce for two, please,” not for­get­ting to spec­ify whether to have or to go!

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