Say hello to my dream lover!

The Star (St. Lucia) - - THE LIGHT SIDE -

Ihave never truly un­der­stood why so many talk about achiev­ing per­fec­tion while, at the same time, declar­ing it a mis­sion im­pos­si­ble. More than that, many will say per­fec­tion is based on per­cep­tion, and there­fore varies. An ‘eye of the be­holder’ thing. How­ever, many on Face­book seem to en­joy “per­fect” re­la­tion­ships rather than ac­tu­ally try­ing to ob­tain per­fec­tion.

Per­fec­tion is en­tirely up to per­cep­tion—if only vi­car­i­ously. Re­la­tion­ship goals are of­ten de­picted on so­cial me­dia through pic­tures of seem­ingly per­fect, drop-dead gor­geous cou­ples en­gaged in one ac­tiv­ity or an­other. Peo­ple glo­rify these im­ages, par­tic­u­larly sin­gles con­sumed with the dayto-day fa­cade of the in­ter­net. I con­fess I’ve been sucked on oc­ca­sion into that mind­set. For­tu­nately, Face­book also has its pos­i­tive sides. Re­cently I watched an FB video about a re­la­tion­ship coach who was speak­ing against set­tling for the first or se­cond ro­man­tic propo­si­tion that comes your way. He sug­gested view­ers put to­gether a list of the top ten at­tributes you want in a part­ner.

I wasted no time get­ting to work on what I thought I wanted of a pos­si­ble life­time lover. Well, let’s say I grabbed a pen and some pa­per but, try as I might, I didn’t know where to start. Sud­denly my mind was a to­tal blank. When some ideas came up I de­cided they were su­per­fi­cial - things like phys­i­cal at­tributes and other triv­i­al­i­ties. And then I jot­ted down the word ‘am­bi­tion’ by which I meant some­one who knew what he wanted out of life and was de­ter­mined to get it re­gard­less of road­blocks and other dis­cour­age­ments; some­one who re­minded me of me, am­bi­tion­wise. He should also be ca­pa­ble of chal­leng­ing and stim­u­lat­ing me, in­tel­lec­tu­ally and oth­er­wise; some­one with good com­mu­ni­ca­tion skills.

Sud­denly I was on a roll: the per­son I chose to share my life with should be re­spect­ful of women gen­er­ally, and of me in par­tic­u­lar. He should be ready to stand by me no mat­ter what—in the same way I would al­ways have his back. My ideal man would al­ways re­as­sure me that I was his pri­or­ity, in words and ac­tions. His per­sonal goals would, ideally, har­mo­nize with my own. It didn’t mean we were al­ways to oc­cupy the same space, but we had to have a com­mon ob­jec­tive. My per­fect man would have no time for pet­ti­ness.

All in all what I re­ally wanted was a man who could melt my heart with the in­ner work­ings of his mind. Too much to ask for? Well, one of my favourite golden oldies is a song en­ti­tled “If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true?” We’d be so busy liv­ing our spe­cial re­al­ity there’d be no time left for post­ing al­ter­na­tive facts on Face­book. Come to think about it, per­haps that should’ve topped my list of at­tributes for my dream lover!

The only way to get what you want is to know what that is!

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