ALL WE NEED IS LOVED

A col­umn about love, re­la­tion­ships, dat­ing and ev­ery­thing in be­tween by Sadie Love.

The Star (St. Lucia) - - THE LIGHT SIDE -

T rust is­sues! A whole lot more than an epic remix by the Weekend of a Drake hit! What cou­ple hasn’t been there? What cou­ple hasn’t called it a day over trust is­sues? This week a friend opened up to me about the ups and downs of her re­la­tion­ship. She’d been see­ing this guy for al­most two years. Then all of a sud­den it seemed the honey­moon was over. She couldn’t re­mem­ber the last time they’d gone a day with­out fight­ing, and at­trib­uted all of their prob­lems to her own lack of trust.

Re­flect­ing on her pre­vi­ous re­la­tion­ships, she imag­ined her­self dam­aged goods and blamed her­self for their seem­ingly dys­func­tional union. At that point I re­ally had to step in and ask why she thought the per­son she was with had noth­ing to do with their cur­rent state of af­fairs. Af­ter all, it took two to tango!

“Has he given you any rea­son not to trust him?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, ev­i­dently search­ing her mind. “Not re­ally . . .”

“So you’re say­ing he’s done noth­ing to trig­ger your re­ac­tions?”

She was silent for sev­eral sec­onds be­fore an­swer­ing: “I mean, he talks to other women.”

“And that both­ers you?” I prod­ded, pre­tend­ing to ad­just my coun­sel­lor’s glasses.

She laughed. Then she said it wasn’t so much that it both­ered her when her guy spoke to other women. What got to her was find­ing out from other sources.

“Okay,” I said. “You say­ing he lied to you about his en­coun­ters?”

“Some­thing like that,” she said. “I saw mes­sages.”

Bingo! So my friend was a phone snoop. Been there, done that. Re­gard­less of what she now found her­self com­pelled to do to calm her own fears, I knew from per­sonal ex­pe­ri­ence that no woman re­ally en­joys be­ing a snoop, sur­rep­ti­tiously fish­ing for in­for­ma­tion that might eas­ily have been vol­un­teered by her part­ner - un­less there was more to it than met the trust­ing eye.

“So there is a rea­son for your dis­trust?” I asked. She nod­ded af­fir­ma­tively. I looked on as my friend slunk deeper and deeper into the sofa. Mean­while I won­dered what to say next. I cer­tainly wasn’t about to tell her to leave her man be­cause she couldn’t trust him. I also didn’t want to see her hurt. I knew that when it came to re­la­tion­ships, re­cur­ring ques­tions and cir­cum­stances were never a good sign. I thought about what I might do in a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion: I would call my best friend Tor­rent! Sud­denly I knew what to say.

“Lis­ten, I know you re­ally want this to work. But you both

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