A Personal Recount

MY MA-MA

“What’s your name? Why are you here? “My grandmother (we call her Ma-ma) would ask as she reaches out to hold my hand whenever I walked into her bedroom and if my younger brother were to come in at the same time, she would ask if he was my son. We usually found this amusing and would then carry on with the rhetoric of saying our names and telling her that we are her grandsons.

My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, a form of dementia, four years ago. Up until Chinese New Year this year, she could still pretty much walk about on her own; that is, until she fell and broke her hip. From then on, not only did she become wheelchair-bound, her mental health worsened rapidly, too. Now, daily, she just sits in her chair, looking dazed, unable to help herself or comprehend anything that is going on around her. She has reached the later stages of the crippling disease of Alzheimer’s.

There is a Chinese saying that says “Jia You Yi Lao, Ru You Yi Bao”; meaning if there is an elderly in the home, there is a treasure in the family. It was not to be so when her disease started showing the symptoms ever so subtly but surely.

Ma-ma had been the matriarch of the family. She was tall and slim-built. She had that dignified look about herself as she also used to be a primary school teacher. Her hair was always coloured and immaculate and her dressing was always right for the occasion. There was never a strand of white hair seen on her head nor any blemish on her face.

It all started when Ma-ma would ask if anybody had seen her keys and who took her handbag, her money, her spectacles and things. At first, we just attributed these antics of forgetfulness to her old-age. But when it went on to us having to look for her things many times a day, it became exasperating and caused much tension in our family. We found keys in the fridge, her dentures in the cupboard and lipstick in her pencil-case: all of which, she denied vehemently of ever putting them there and would regard everyone with suspicion.

Then, there were the daily phone calls from her. Since Ma-ma retired as a teacher, she had little else to do except for knitting and the occasional tea with her few schoolmates, remaining. I remember going out on a trip with my mother, and Ma-ma had rung us a total of 9 times within half an hour! She would ask us where we were, what time we would be home and that she didn’t like to stay at home alone. And each time, she would deny having rung us previously.

Eventually, my aunt and my mother decided to take her to the doctor. We were stunned that she was diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s as she had always been so healthy. It then hit home and it answered our many questions about her strange behaviour.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, Alzheimer’s is a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills. What is sad to know is that there is currently absolutely no cure to stop this disease, except medications to treat the

cognitive and behavioural symptoms. The initial treatment given to Ma-ma was a medicated patch, much like a plaster, to be worn on the arm 24 hours a day. It did seem to help at first, in that she didn’t seem to be so anxious and aggressive. But as she progressed into the later stages of dementia, the medication would lose its effectiveness and we would have to change her medication.

The association also gave these 10 warning signs and symptoms of which, Ma-ma had displayed them all:

1. Memory loss that disrupts daily life --Ma-ma would say she had showered when she really hadn’t done so.

2. Challenges in planning and solving problems --- She would look at the pile of laundry to be folded and wouldn’t know where to start.

3. Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, at work or at leisure --- She would start her knitting and unpick the stitches again and again. She couldn’t finish her project even though knitting had been her favourite hobby.

4. Confusion with time or place --- She would insist that her home isn’t her real home and would ask us to take her home.

5. Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships --- She couldn’t understand why the television was making so much noise and often insisted that ‘those people’ were scolding her.

6. Problems with words in speaking or writing --- Where this was concerned, she could read and write the words very well but the meaning of which is totally devoid.

7. Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps --- She would always say ‘ I don’t know where and I don’t remember’.

8. Decreased or poor judgment --Alzheimer’s patients tend not look where they are going, so climbing up or going down the stairs was a problem for Ma-ma. So,

9. Withdrawal from work or social activities --- She would turn down our offers to take her out, even though she had repeatedly said that she didn’t want to be alone at home.

10. Changes in mood and personality --- She was by nature, an introvert but her personality changed into someone who couldn’t stop chatting. At other times, she displayed extreme paranoia.

Looking back, I think Ma-ma was unhappy for a long time. With everyone either at work or at school, she always felt she was left behind. Could her loneliness have attributed to the degradation of her mental health? Perhaps we didn’t spend enough time with her or paid much attention to her? Whatever the reasons maybe, this illness stripped her of all dignity and of the quality of life.

I do miss the Ma-ma I used to know, to talk to and sometimes teased about. Even though she doesn’t recognize me anymore, I know I will certainly feel a vacuum in the house without her presence. With what’s left of her time with us, I am just thankful to still be able to greet her when I come home from school, chat with her and hopefully, in those moments, she may just sense my connection with her.