My Friends are More Suc­cess­ful Than Me. What Do I Do?

CLEO (Singapore) - - CONTENTS -

Say what you want about Kylie Jen­ner, but the 21-year-old is mak­ing moves with her makeup ven­tures. If you feel as if your ac­com­plish­ments pale in com­par­i­son, you aren’t alone…

How­ever, celebrity suc­cess is one thing, but it’s even more dif­fi­cult to deal if you’re the only one in your so­cial cir­cle who doesn’t seem to be get­ting any­where in life, and feel­ings of jeal­ousy, re­sent­ment and low self­es­teem sur­face. Am­ber, Sharon, and Chris­tine open up about what it’s like to feel like ev­ery­one other than you is killing the game of life and how you can com­bat those bad vibes.

AM­BER, 23

“If I’m be­ing com­pletely hon­est, the first re­ac­tion I get when one of my friends gets a raise or pro­mo­tion or any form of ca­reer ad­vance­ment, is one of re­sent­ment. I don’t have any ill in­tent to­wards my friends, but each time some­thing like that hap­pens, I’m like, “Why not me?”

You don’t know what it feels like to watch all your friends move up in life when you’re stay­ing in the same place. I know I just grad­u­ated a year ago, but two of my clos­est friends that I grad­u­ated with are al­ready work­ing at Google and AirBnB! I’ve lost track of the num­ber of open­ings that I’ve in­ter­viewed for; I’m still un­em­ployed and I don’t know what I’m do­ing wrong – it’s re­ally tak­ing a toll on me.

Two months ago, my mum made me go see a ther­a­pist be­cause I was feel­ing re­ally un­mo­ti­vated and didn’t want to leave the house. The truth was I was scared to bump into any­one I knew out­side be­cause I knew job-hunt­ing and my lack of a job would def­i­nitely come up in the con­ver­sa­tion.”

SHARON, 26

“I’m a graphic de­signer and all my friends are in fi­nance; they’re all in­vest­ment bankers mak­ing bank and I’m not mak­ing nearly as much as them. They can all af­ford to rent ex­pen­sive apart­ments, but I still live with my par­ents. It feels like ev­ery­one in my so­cial cir­cle is mov­ing out and up.

I only re­cently saw things from a dif­fer­ent per­spec­tive when I ad­mit­ted to my friend that I was jeal­ous that she could af­ford this YSL bag that I had been dream­ing about. In the most cliché mo­ment ever, she said she en­vied how I was do­ing what I ac­tu­ally loved to do rather than just work­ing for money, which is what she’s do­ing.

To be hon­est, it re­as­sured me in the mo­ment, but be­ing at this in­come level is mak­ing me miss out on ex­pe­ri­ences with my friends, which never feels good. My plan is to find a job in a higher-pay­ing in­dus­try and fun­nel my pas­sion for graphic de­sign into free­lance work.”

CHRIS­TINE, 24

“I was ac­tu­ally the friend that my group en­vied. It’s a clas­sic In­sta­gram vs. re­al­ity sit­u­a­tion – I live in Sin­ga­pore and they live in Canada, so their per­cep­tion of me is mainly what they see on­line.

While I had a great job ( just left it), I was su­per de­pressed and anx­ious all the time be­cause of the ex­treme pres­sure I was feel­ing from work. I had to start tak­ing an­tide­pres­sants and see­ing a psy­chol­o­gist [to cope].

I knew that peo­ple per­ceived my life to be a cer­tain way and I wanted to keep up the il­lu­sion that I had my life to­gether. I only came out to my friends about how up­set I was after I had a break­down while FaceTim­ing them. They were su­per sur­prised and said I was the one that all of them en­vied, which was crazy to me.”

Why i s s he get t i ng a l l t he l uck?

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