My thoughts on fash­ion in the ab­sence of style

Zul An­dra, Ed­i­tor-in-chief

Esquire (Singapore) - - Contents -

Con­sider

the face­crime that is about to be com­mit­ted as you read my monoideal on fashun. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. I’ve pop­pys­miced through Alan Sokal and Jean Bric­mont’s Fash­ion­able Non­sense: Post­mod­ern In­tel­lec­tu­als’ Abuse of Science (1998) and I agree that its “reck­less ver­bosity” has noth­ing to do with fash­ion (2016). Beat.

My bel­lyfeel re­quires that I put on them otchkies hand­shov­elled from my yarbles. Firstly, to see bet­ter. Sec­ondly, to see bet­ter. Thirdly, to see bet­ter as the fash­ion­istas at­tempt to cloud—clout?—my judge­ment by wav­ing a Toile de Jouystyled flag. Trompe-l’oeil, or de­ceive the eye, they might. Herman Snellen would have failed his epony­mous eye test af­ter this ex­pe­ri­ence. He. Would. Fail. It.

It looks some­thing like, but not quite, when: the com­mon cor­morant or shag, (that) lays eggs in­side a paper bag. The rea­son you will see no doubt, it is to keep the light­ning out. Bababadal­gharagh­takam­mi­nar­ronnkonnbron­nton­nerronntuon­nthun­ntrovar­rhounawn­skawn­toohooho­or­de­nen­thur­nuk! The skies erupt. What is fash­ion, if isn’t styled af­ter doubt?

Have you slooshed of the term “re­ces­sion­ista”? They are fash­ion­istas at­tempt­ing to stay fash­ion­able in the face of a re­ces­sion. They of­fer a her­ring­bone-shaped V-sign to the world. Up yours. Fru­mious at their In­sta­gram fol­low­ers for not giv­ing a dou­ble­plus­damn about their Jab­ber­wock, they look at their soft melt­ing watch—in the per­sis­tence of mem­ory—un­til a trend runs its course.

Lips curl like a seer­sucker. Their body itch for a Rick Owens-in­spired art in­stal­la­tion like a uni­tard prank well played. For what it’s worth, all talk and no trousers makes fash­ion an ex­pert tex­pert chok­ing smoker. Don’t you think the joker laughs at you? Goo goo g’joob.

This is a prod­uct of a prod­uct of a prod­uct of fash­ion. Hash­tag: wardrobed. #femi­man. #norm­core. #soap­dodger. #treschic. #takeapillchic. #mfw, #nyfw, #nsfw. Such cou­ture.

Appy polly log­gies; don’t be up­sad. Smilesmirk.

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