Trust us, she will, now that these women are let­ting you in on their se­crets.

Herworld (Singapore) - - CONTENTS -

Women who’ve man­aged to do this share their se­crets with you.

01 Move in with her ( just for a lit­tle while)

Living with your mother-in­law can give you a fron­trow seat to her quirks and trig­gers, which you can then work to your ad­van­tage. “My mother-in-law is pan­tang (a Malay term for su­per­sti­tious),” says PR prac­ti­tioner Freda Yuin, 32. “She doesn’t like us to say or do neg­a­tive things – like grum­bling over what a bad day you’re go­ing to have. She feels you might jinx your­self, as the words will turn into a self-fullling prophecy.” The close prox­im­ity has also built trust be­tween the pair. “She gets to see the way I live. It helps that I’m a home­body, not a party girl, so she found it eas­ier to trust me, and en­trust her son to me.”

02 Be dogged about com­mu­ni­cat­ing with her

“Take that rst step to open the lines of com­mu­ni­ca­tion,” says doc­tor Elaine Kim, 35. Mar­ry­ing into a Korean fam­ily, she faced a sit­u­a­tion where her mother-in-law ini­tially re­fused to meet her be­cause she wasn’t Korean. So Elaine had to think of a bet­ter way to reach out. “I wrote her a let­ter to tell her I re­spected her, and un­der­stood where she was com­ing from. I also as­sured her I would be a good daugh­ter-in-law and wife.” That ef­fort suc­ceeded in thaw­ing her mother-in-law’s frosti­ness, and the pair now have a close re­la­tion­ship.

03 Be the big­ger per­son

Put her needs be­fore your own. It shows you care about what mat­ters to her, which helps re­duce fric­tion, says Gla­dys Ang, 34, a se­nior IT ad­min­is­tra­tive as­sis­tant. “I’m quite ob­ses­sive-com­pul­sive about how things are or­gan­ised in my home. But my moth­erin-law just wants to get things done. She doesn’t care if things are placed in the wrong com­part­ments.” Gla­dys ad­mits her mother-in­law’s be­hav­iour irked her. But af­ter sev­eral months, she put paid to that ten­sion. “Now if I see any­thing that is not done to my ex­pec­ta­tions, I just do it my­self. So if I want the cab­i­nets to be prop­erly closed and she doesn’t do it, I just close them my­self.”

04 Carve out one-to-one time with her

Do this with­out your man tag­ging along. It shows you’re se­ri­ous about cre­at­ing a bond with her, and that you’re not a threat to her re­la­tion­ship with her son. “I treat her with af­fec­tion, as if she is my own mother,” says for­mer TV host and model Sonya Dav­i­son, 26. “When she vis­its from the US, we do our nails to­gether and spend time chat­ting about things. I also send her pic­tures of my kids reg­u­larly through What­sapp to keep us close.” See­ing you con­sciously go that ex­tra mile will make her feel spe­cial.

05 Know when to back off

It’s a mantra po­di­a­trist Sheena Tan, 26, swears by. “My in-laws com­plain that my hus­band and I spend more time with my par­ents and not enough with them. It gets un­der my skin, as that isn’t true. But keep­ing my opin­ions to my­self is cru­cial for pre­vent­ing any kind of ugly fall­out, es­pe­cially if what I say might be con­strued as of­fen­sive and dis­re­spect­ful,” she adds. But if it’s some­thing that re­ally both­ers you, she ad­vises sound­ing out your hus­band and let­ting him do the talk­ing – your in-laws are likely to be far more re­cep­tive to what he has to say.

Well, who’d have thought win­ning her over would be this easy?

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