THE DIF­FER­ENT WAYS OF LOVE

In­spired by Amer­i­can mar­riage ex­pert Gary Chap­man’s con­cept of love lan­guages, we asked women and their par­ents to share how they show each other they care.

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Cover Reads - BY CHERYL LEONG

Seven women and their par­ents share how they show each other they care.

1 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Words of af­fir­ma­tion “I moved to Sin­ga­pore to be with my hus­band, but Mum still lives in Manila, Philip­pines. Be­cause of the dis­tance, we’re al­ways send­ing each other text mes­sages to say we love each other. One of her favourite lines is: ‘You drive me crazy, but I love you like crazy.’” – Jana Blanco, 30, stu­dent LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Qual­ity time “Jana and I love do­ing ev­ery­thing to­gether – eat­ing, watch­ing movies and danc­ing. We also share the same sense of hu­mour and love mak­ing silly jokes, which some­times don’t make sense to any­one else. Since we live apart now, we try to Face­time or text each other as of­ten as we can.” – Jac­qui Lane, 52, home­maker 2 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Qual­ity time “Mum and I bond over a com­mon love for an­i­mals and old movies from my child­hood. Ev­ery week­end, we take our dogs to the Bis­han Park dog run and un­wind by watch­ing films like The Sound of Mu­sic, The Wizard of Oz or Pippi Long­stock­ing at night. And know­ing that she loves Ce­sar Mil­lan, I sur­prised her with tick­ets to his show in Sin­ga­pore last year. She was so pleased!” – Zen Law, 29, mar­ket­ing and PR ex­ec­u­tive LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Acts of ser­vice “Zen’s very busy at work so if she man­ages to come home early, I’ll cook her favourite dishes – kiam chye (salted veg­etable) soup or bela­can (fer­mented shrimp paste) fish. I’ll also pick her up from work if she’s tired, and when she has to pack for work trips but doesn’t have the time, I’ll do it for her.” – Huney Goh, 59, home­maker

3 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Qual­ity time and acts of ser­vice “I don’t live with my par­ents, so I look for­ward to hav­ing din­ner with them ev­ery Fri­day. Be­fore he re­tired, I’d usu­ally pick Dad up from work and we’d chat in the car. He’s very in­ter­ested in gad­gets, but has dif­fi­culty fig­ur­ing out their func­tions. It took pa­tience on my part, but I’ve suc­cess­fully taught him how to use the iPhone and com­pact cam­era, and how to play app games!” – Kwok Tien Nee, 38, de­sign di­rec­tor LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Acts

of ser­vice “I show my af­fec­tion for Tien Nee through food. When­ever she stays over, I pre­pare a sump­tu­ous break­fast of all her favourite hawker foods, for her to dig into when she wakes up. She loves duri­ans, so when the fruit is in sea­son, I load our fridge with it on Thurs­day nights for her to en­joy the next day.” – Kwok Fah Seng, 70, re­tiree

4 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Qual­ity time “Be­fore I had my baby last year, Dad and I used to go for long walks – along the Kal­lang River and Bukit Timah Hill for­est paths – at least twice a month. Dur­ing th­ese walks, I’d share what was go­ing on in my life and seek ad­vice if I was hav­ing prob­lems. I re­ally trea­sure those times to­gether. Now, my dad helps look af­ter my kid so he drives me to and from work, and we use th­ese car jour­neys to catch up.” – Manda Tay, 29, civil ser­vant LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Words of af­fir­ma­tion and acts

of ser­vice “I com­mu­ni­cate with Manda quite fre­quently through SMS – usu­ally just texts ask­ing her how her day was, what she’s do­ing now or what she had for lunch. It shows her that I’m think­ing of her and care about her. I travel to Malacca very of­ten and when I do, I al­ways buy her favourite fruits – langsat and man­gos­teens – and de­liver them to her home.”

– Michael Tay, 71, re­tired 5

LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Phys­i­cal touch and

qual­ity time “It’s my habit to give Mum a good­bye kiss be­fore I leave for work ev­ery day. And no mat­ter how busy I am at work, I al­ways find time to chat with her and check in on her through­out the day. On week­ends, when we have more time to catch up, we usu­ally have brunch be­fore head­ing to church and then we grab a bite again af­ter.” – Pearli Ber­samin, 43, stu­dio man­ager LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Acts of ser­vice “I show my love for Pearli by en­sur­ing that she and her fam­ily are well-fed. Ev­ery morn­ing, I pack lunches for her hus­band and kids to take to work and school. Then I’ll wait for her to wake up so we can have break­fast – that’s our pri­vate time to­gether. When ev­ery­one comes home at the end of the day, there’s din­ner wait­ing for them on the ta­ble.” – Jorgelita Car­mona, 67, home­maker

6 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Qual­ity time and gifts “I take Mum out for monthly beauty treats – blowouts at hair salons, fa­cials at spas and foot mas­sages – and tea af­ter that. Th­ese half-day catch-ups let us rem­i­nisce about the past, which I en­joy do­ing. I also pick up the tab for my par­ents’ twice-yearly hol­i­days around the re­gion with their sib­lings.” – Kwok Wai Mui, 37, pro­gramme man­ager LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Acts of ser­vice “Know­ing that Wai Mui is health-con­scious, I wake up at 6am to buy fresh fish and meat from the mar­ket to cook a nu­tri­tious break­fast of por­ridge, noo­dles or oats for her. She likes to have steamed fish for din­ner, so I pre­pare a sep­a­rate por­tion of cod fish, threadfin or salmon – the only fish she eats – just for her.”

– Teo Puah Sang, 67, home­maker

7 LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Gifts “Mum likes lux­ury bags. But she’d never fork out money to buy one, pre­fer­ring to spend on the fam­ily and pick up bar­gain buys for her­self. So af­ter I got my first pay cheque, I saved up for three months and bought her her first Tod’s hand­bag. Over the years, I’ve given her five lux­ury hand­bags. She’s al­ways happy and proud to carry them to her monthly gath­er­ings with friends!” – Gabrielle Lim, 28, busi­ness owner LOVE LAN­GUAGE: Acts of ser­vice “Gabrielle has her own busi­ness and works from home. So if she needs help with lo­gis­tics – pack­ing and post­ing parcels or get­ting sta­tionery – I’m there. When she’s stressed and tired, I pre­pare sooth­ing her­bal teas for her. I’ve learnt how to cook what­ever she’s crav­ing, like Ja­panese teriyaki salmon and Ital­ian aglio olio pasta.” – Ong BG, 55, home­maker

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