Get Out of Your Life Rut
Whether it’s your job, marriage, wardrobe or personality that’s less than exciting these days, these experts can help give it a lift.
The Love Coach
Kloudiia Tay, 38, relationship coach and certied matchmaker Kloudiia became a relationship coach in 2008, after closing her dating agency. She has also written a book, The 69 Love Notes: Secrets to a Loving and Lasting Relationship, about how to sustain a loving and lasting relationship. Her best love advice: Give your spouse plenty of verbal appreciation. “What has he done in the past week that touched you a lot? Even if it was a small gesture. Doing this regularly will build up your marriage’s immune system.”
Kloudiia’s tips on…
Rejuvenating your marriage “Go for a short holiday, just the two of you. When you’re away from home with no kids or work deadlines, you’ll be much more relaxed, and this will stimulate your hormones. Make sure you show each other lots of physical love. Adults, like babies, feel loved when they are touched a few times a day.”
Reclaiming your bedroom mojo “Open up to each other and communicate. Don’t be shy about letting your husband know about your sexual needs. Share your fantasies and experiment in the bedroom.”
Reconnecting at home “Men bond with other men by doing things together, so do the same with your husband. It could be through cooking or friendly video game competitions. Tell each other jokes – tickling each other’s funny bones helps reignite the spark.
When you focus on each other, it will benefit your children, because the best thing a parent can give a child is a loving and strong marriage.”
Remember: Remember: “The bedroom is a couple’s safe spot, where you have intimate conversations and make love, so don’t carry out serious discussions there. Designate another part of your house for heavy conversations, or if you can, do it outside – this may also help to keep your emotions in check.”
The Career Coach
Elfarina Zaid, 32, managing director of Elf Coaching Elfarina has been helping people to rebrand themselves or their companies since 2009. She believes that to be happy at work, you need to be aware of your strengths and utilise them fully. “Are you motivated when you have more autonomy at work or when you get to meet people from all walks of life? Or maybe you like being challenged. When you’re happy with what you do, it will show in your work.”
Elfarina’s Tips On…
Branding yourself at work “Find something you’re passionate about and want to be known for. For example, brand yourself as someone who cares for sustainability in the organisation. Then, make sure you’re one of the few your boss can rely on for such matters.”
Getting promoted “Find out what opportunities there are and think about the impact you want to create in the organisation. Be aware of not just your own strengths and weaknesses but your colleagues’ too. Show initiative – take ownership of a delayed project or be a problem solver. Network well and tell your bosses you’d like a bigger job scope.”
Getting out of the work rut “We get into a work rut because we’re on autopilot mode and have shut ourselves off from the things we really love doing. Reflect on what you’d really like to do and get feedback from your loved ones. Or find a mentor and ask how they do what they’ve been doing for so long. This will give you an idea on where to go next.”
Remember: “It’s important to find your purpose in life. Are you doing it out of passion or to pursue some lifelong cause? These reasons usually give you a longer career than changing jobs purely for
Remember: “It’s not about setting sexy goals, which inevitably fizzle out. If you decide to create improvements because you want to learn to love and support yourself more, then decide how you can do it on a regular basis. It then won’t just be about how much you have to achieve by a certain time.”
The Transformational Coach
Helen Lee, 60, founder of Lee Heiss Coaching A veteran life coach, Helen has been helping to make over individuals and organisations for 22 years. The key to positive change, she says, is selfacceptance and appreciation.
Helen’s Tips On…
Getting out of a life rut “Do simple things daily that make you happy and feel good. When you feel good, the answers will start coming because you can think clearly and positively.
Also learn to enjoy your me time. Read selfhelp books, meditate or make notes about yourself. We all need that quiet time to recharge and reflect. Too often, we are with people and there’s too much noise around us.”
Gaining your self-confidence “Believe in yourself. Be your own best friend and cheerleader. Focus on the right things – don’t keep thinking of what you are doing wrong. Watch your thoughts and what you say. Every time you say something negative about yourself, reframe it with a positive spin.
Keep a journal, where at the end of each day, you write down all the great things you did or said. Positive reinforcement will help you transform and grow.”
Celebrating life “Take charge of your inner state and celebrate ‘you’. Do something out of love and appreciation for yourself – that’s a big difference from doing what you think will make you look good, or make people accept or love you better.”
The Personal Stylist
Edith Lia Hernandez, 33, owner of Style At Heart The stylist, who has worked in the fashion industry for 10 years, moved from Denmark to Singapore in 2012. She now helps women revamp their wardrobes, showing them what to keep or throw out, and how to create refreshing combinations.
Edith’s Tips On…
Organising your wardrobe “Start with tops – that’s what others look at first when they meet you – then move on to bottoms, shoes and accessories.”
Basic staples to keep or buy 1 A black pencil skirt “It can be styled in so many different ways. Pair it with a cropped sweatshirt and necklace to look hip. Wear it with a shirt or sequinned top for after-work drinks. Find a skirt with a little stretch so you won’t feel like it’s killing you by the end of the day.” 2 A white shirt “You can style it with skinny jeans or wear it underneath a sweatshirt. You can add a chunky necklace or a scarf.” 3
The dress “It’s important to have a dress that always works and can be styled up or down. It’s not necessary to have a little black dress – you have to think about what suits you.” 4 Comfortable shoes “It’s important to stay comfortable, so no stilettos. Wear wedges, which will make you feel secure when you walk in them. For work, don’t choose black pumps just because they’re professional-looking and classic. Choose something with details, which are always important.”
Remember: “Always wear clothes that fit you perfectly. If you are skinny and wear something too loose, you’ll look anorexic. If you’re a big girl and wear ‘tents’, you’ll look insecure. Learn what works for you – it will make shopping easier and your wardrobe, longer-lasting.”