Get Out of Your Life Rut

Whether it’s your job, mar­riage, wardrobe or per­son­al­ity that’s less than ex­cit­ing th­ese days, th­ese ex­perts can help give it a lift.

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Love Your Body - BY AZLINDA SAID

The Love Coach

Kloudiia Tay, 38, re­la­tion­ship coach and certied match­maker Kloudiia be­came a re­la­tion­ship coach in 2008, af­ter clos­ing her dat­ing agency. She has also writ­ten a book, The 69 Love Notes: Se­crets to a Lov­ing and Last­ing Re­la­tion­ship, about how to sus­tain a lov­ing and last­ing re­la­tion­ship. Her best love ad­vice: Give your spouse plenty of ver­bal ap­pre­ci­a­tion. “What has he done in the past week that touched you a lot? Even if it was a small ges­ture. Do­ing this reg­u­larly will build up your mar­riage’s im­mune sys­tem.”

Kloudiia’s tips on…

Re­ju­ve­nat­ing your mar­riage “Go for a short hol­i­day, just the two of you. When you’re away from home with no kids or work dead­lines, you’ll be much more re­laxed, and this will stim­u­late your hor­mones. Make sure you show each other lots of phys­i­cal love. Adults, like ba­bies, feel loved when they are touched a few times a day.”

Re­claim­ing your bed­room mojo “Open up to each other and com­mu­ni­cate. Don’t be shy about let­ting your hus­band know about your sex­ual needs. Share your fan­tasies and ex­per­i­ment in the bed­room.”

Re­con­nect­ing at home “Men bond with other men by do­ing things to­gether, so do the same with your hus­band. It could be through cook­ing or friendly video game com­pe­ti­tions. Tell each other jokes – tick­ling each other’s funny bones helps reignite the spark.

When you fo­cus on each other, it will ben­e­fit your chil­dren, be­cause the best thing a par­ent can give a child is a lov­ing and strong mar­riage.”

Re­mem­ber: Re­mem­ber: “The bed­room is a cou­ple’s safe spot, where you have in­ti­mate con­ver­sa­tions and make love, so don’t carry out se­ri­ous dis­cus­sions there. Des­ig­nate another part of your house for heavy con­ver­sa­tions, or if you can, do it out­side – this may also help to keep your emo­tions in check.”

The Ca­reer Coach

El­fa­rina Zaid, 32, man­ag­ing di­rec­tor of Elf Coach­ing El­fa­rina has been help­ing peo­ple to re­brand them­selves or their com­pa­nies since 2009. She be­lieves that to be happy at work, you need to be aware of your strengths and utilise them fully. “Are you mo­ti­vated when you have more au­ton­omy at work or when you get to meet peo­ple from all walks of life? Or maybe you like be­ing chal­lenged. When you’re happy with what you do, it will show in your work.”

El­fa­rina’s Tips On…

Brand­ing your­self at work “Find some­thing you’re pas­sion­ate about and want to be known for. For ex­am­ple, brand your­self as some­one who cares for sus­tain­abil­ity in the or­gan­i­sa­tion. Then, make sure you’re one of the few your boss can rely on for such mat­ters.”

Get­ting pro­moted “Find out what op­por­tu­ni­ties there are and think about the im­pact you want to cre­ate in the or­gan­i­sa­tion. Be aware of not just your own strengths and weak­nesses but your col­leagues’ too. Show ini­tia­tive – take own­er­ship of a de­layed project or be a prob­lem solver. Net­work well and tell your bosses you’d like a big­ger job scope.”

Get­ting out of the work rut “We get into a work rut be­cause we’re on au­topi­lot mode and have shut our­selves off from the things we re­ally love do­ing. Re­flect on what you’d re­ally like to do and get feed­back from your loved ones. Or find a men­tor and ask how they do what they’ve been do­ing for so long. This will give you an idea on where to go next.”

Re­mem­ber: “It’s im­por­tant to find your pur­pose in life. Are you do­ing it out of pas­sion or to pur­sue some life­long cause? Th­ese rea­sons usu­ally give you a longer ca­reer than chang­ing jobs purely for

mone­tary rea­sons.”

Re­mem­ber: “It’s not about set­ting sexy goals, which in­evitably fiz­zle out. If you de­cide to cre­ate im­prove­ments be­cause you want to learn to love and sup­port your­self more, then de­cide how you can do it on a reg­u­lar ba­sis. It then won’t just be about how much you have to achieve by a cer­tain time.”

The Trans­for­ma­tional Coach

He­len Lee, 60, founder of Lee Heiss Coach­ing A vet­eran life coach, He­len has been help­ing to make over in­di­vid­u­als and or­gan­i­sa­tions for 22 years. The key to pos­i­tive change, she says, is self­ac­cep­tance and ap­pre­ci­a­tion.

He­len’s Tips On…

Get­ting out of a life rut “Do sim­ple things daily that make you happy and feel good. When you feel good, the an­swers will start com­ing be­cause you can think clearly and pos­i­tively.

Also learn to en­joy your me time. Read self­help books, med­i­tate or make notes about your­self. We all need that quiet time to recharge and re­flect. Too of­ten, we are with peo­ple and there’s too much noise around us.”

Gain­ing your self-con­fi­dence “Be­lieve in your­self. Be your own best friend and cheer­leader. Fo­cus on the right things – don’t keep think­ing of what you are do­ing wrong. Watch your thoughts and what you say. Ev­ery time you say some­thing neg­a­tive about your­self, re­frame it with a pos­i­tive spin.

Keep a jour­nal, where at the end of each day, you write down all the great things you did or said. Pos­i­tive re­in­force­ment will help you trans­form and grow.”

Cel­e­brat­ing life “Take charge of your in­ner state and cel­e­brate ‘you’. Do some­thing out of love and ap­pre­ci­a­tion for your­self – that’s a big dif­fer­ence from do­ing what you think will make you look good, or make peo­ple ac­cept or love you bet­ter.”

The Per­sonal Stylist

Edith Lia Her­nan­dez, 33, owner of Style At Heart The stylist, who has worked in the fash­ion in­dus­try for 10 years, moved from Den­mark to Sin­ga­pore in 2012. She now helps women re­vamp their wardrobes, show­ing them what to keep or throw out, and how to cre­ate re­fresh­ing com­bi­na­tions.

Edith’s Tips On…

Or­gan­is­ing your wardrobe “Start with tops – that’s what oth­ers look at first when they meet you – then move on to bot­toms, shoes and ac­ces­sories.”

Ba­sic sta­ples to keep or buy 1 A black pen­cil skirt “It can be styled in so many dif­fer­ent ways. Pair it with a cropped sweat­shirt and neck­lace to look hip. Wear it with a shirt or se­quinned top for af­ter-work drinks. Find a skirt with a lit­tle stretch so you won’t feel like it’s killing you by the end of the day.” 2 A white shirt “You can style it with skinny jeans or wear it un­der­neath a sweat­shirt. You can add a chunky neck­lace or a scarf.” 3

The dress “It’s im­por­tant to have a dress that al­ways works and can be styled up or down. It’s not nec­es­sary to have a lit­tle black dress – you have to think about what suits you.” 4 Com­fort­able shoes “It’s im­por­tant to stay com­fort­able, so no stilet­tos. Wear wedges, which will make you feel se­cure when you walk in them. For work, don’t choose black pumps just be­cause they’re pro­fes­sional-look­ing and clas­sic. Choose some­thing with de­tails, which are al­ways im­por­tant.”

Re­mem­ber: “Al­ways wear clothes that fit you per­fectly. If you are skinny and wear some­thing too loose, you’ll look anorexic. If you’re a big girl and wear ‘tents’, you’ll look in­se­cure. Learn what works for you – it will make shop­ping eas­ier and your wardrobe, longer-last­ing.”

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