“I Conned My Hus­band into Hav­ing an Af­fair… with Me

When Pam* sus­pected her hus­band was cheat­ing on her, she pre­tended to be another woman to beat him at his own game.

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Love Your Body - AS TOLD TO AZLINDA SAID

“Dan* and I were mar­ried for more than 20 years. I knew he was a play­boy when we started dat­ing. I mar­ried him any­way be­cause I loved him; he’d also promised to change his ways. But I should have known bet­ter – a leop­ard can never change its spots.

Stum­bling Upon the Truth

Tall and boy­ishly hand­some, Dan had many friends, both men and women. I was al­ways un­com­fort­able when he got too close to his gal pals – he loved hang­ing out with them and even gave them de­tails about our mar­ried life. I had a nig­gling sus­pi­cion that there was more to his re­la­tion­ship with some of them.

I asked him about it sev­eral times, but he chas­tised me for be­ing sus­pi­cious. I backed down each time, be­cause I didn’t want to de­stroy our mar­riage. Be­sides, I had no con­crete proof that he was hav­ing an af­fair.

Then one day, about three years ago, I found ev­i­dence that he had been up to no good.

I had taken the day off work to tend to our sick son when I re­ceived an ur­gent text mes­sage from my boss, ask­ing me to clar­ify some­thing. As I’d left my lap­top in the of­fice, I de­cided to use Dan’s, which I’d never used be­fore. I didn’t need a pass­word to ac­cess it.

While on the Net, I had a sud­den urge to look through Dan’s book­marked sites and find out what he did online. He had a long list of sites, two of which piqued my in­ter­est. I clicked on both links – and they led me to dat­ing web­sites.

The Scam is On

I was calm at first, though I re­alised I’d stum­bled upon Dan’s pos­si­ble dirty se­cret. Why would a mar­ried man need to be on a dat­ing site? How long had he been look­ing at women online? I must ad­mit that a part of me was ac­tu­ally relieved that I’d been right all along – I hadn’t been imag­in­ing things when I sus­pected he was un­faith­ful. I just didn’t know who the women were and how he was meet­ing them.

A sud­den flash of anger rose in­side me and I formed a plan. The dat­ing sites could only be ac­cessed by mem­bers, so I cre­ated a false pro­file for my­self. I was bent on search­ing for my hus­band on th­ese sites and con­fronting him about it. To con­ceal my iden­tity, I used a false name and didn’t up­load my photo.

There were thou­sands of men on the sites. I knew I wouldn’t be able to find Dan’s pro­file within the day, so I sent the In­ter­net links to my in­box to con­tinue the search later.

Af­ter a week, I found Dan on one of the sites. He was us­ing a moniker and his pro­file photo didn’t show his face – he was smart enough to evade de­tec­tion that way – but I recog­nised the tat­too he was show­ing off in the pic­ture. How­ever, I needed more de­tails to con­firm that it was him. So I dropped him a mes­sage, say­ing I loved his cool tat­too and ask­ing if we could be friends.

Tak­ing the Bait

Dan replied two days later. He thanked me for my in­ter­est and ac­cepted my friend­ship re­quest, al­though he won­dered why I had a face­less pro­file. I ex­plained that I wanted to re­main anony­mous in case any of my friends or fam­ily were on the site too. I said I would send him my photo once we knew each other bet­ter.

My an­swer sat­is­fied him. He said I sounded gor­geous, given how I’d de­scribed my­self on my pro­file. I re­mem­ber smirk­ing when I read this – if only he knew how I had faked my vi­tal sta­tis­tics, height and looks to match his fan­tasy of the ‘per­fect’ woman. He had told me be­fore that his ideal woman should be tall, curvy and have big eyes.

We started exchanging mes­sages on the site reg­u­larly. I no­ticed that Dan en­gaged me online dur­ing of­fice hours – I did the same – and in the wee hours of the morn­ing, when he thought the real me was asleep. To avoid be­ing caught at th­ese times, I would only re­ply the morn­ing af­ter.

Each day, we shared more about our­selves. I told him I was look­ing

“I had my back to him and was look­ing down so he wouldn’t know it was me un­til it was too late.”

for friends with ben­e­fits, as I had been hurt be­fore and didn’t trust men enough to have a long-term re­la­tion­ship. He said he was per­fect for me, as he was mar­ried with chil­dren and couldn’t com­mit to any­one else, any­way.

His mes­sages got raunchier. He started ask­ing me in­ti­mate ques­tions – what was my favourite sex­ual po­si­tion? Where was the most dar­ing place I’d had sex in? He also kept ask­ing for my phone num­ber, but I re­fused, say­ing I wasn’t ready to take the re­la­tion­ship off­line. To ap­pease him, I an­swered all his ques­tions with vivid de­tails. I told him that if he re­mained pa­tient, I’d make all his fan­tasies come true.

Un­mask­ing Dan

We com­mu­ni­cated for three weeks be­fore I asked for his photo. I told him I was in­cred­i­bly turned on by his tat­too and in­trigued by his charm, and wanted to know whom I’d been chat­ting with.

Dan agreed to send one. I waited with bated breath for it to ap­pear in my in­box. I toyed with the idea of delet­ing the photo with­out look­ing at it – did I want to con­firm that it was Dan I’d been flirt­ing with? Was I ready to ac­cept that I’d been right all this while? But I needed to know for sure if he had be­trayed me.

My hands trem­bled as I clicked on the photo. I closed my eyes as it ap­peared on the screen – my heart was pound­ing and I was pray­ing so hard that I wouldn’t see Dan’s face. When I opened my eyes, my heart shat­tered. The photo showed Dan smil­ing and look­ing sexy in his swim­ming trunks. I burst into tears, los­ing the com­po­sure I’d kept for the past weeks. My worst fears had come true.

I didn’t re­ply till two days later. I thanked him for his photo and said I’d been busy with work. He asked for my photo in re­turn. I sug­gested meet­ing up over the weekend so he could see me in per­son. Dan agreed im­me­di­ately. We chose a club away from his usual haunts, and I told him to look out for a woman wear­ing a red dress.

Sweet Re­venge

In the days lead­ing up to the ap­point­ment, I was a ner­vous wreck. I kept chang­ing my mind about go­ing through with the plan – I knew that once Dan’s cha­rade was over, so was our mar­riage. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that to hap­pen, but I couldn’t ig­nore his in­fi­delity.

When the weekend ar­rived, I told Dan that I was go­ing out for some me time and would be back later that night. He asked me not to wait up for him as he was hav­ing drinks with friends. Be­fore I left the house, I gave him a long kiss good­bye, know­ing it was the last time I would do so.

I spent the day at the salon, styling my hair and do­ing my nails. I wanted to look ir­re­sistible so Dan would see what he’d be miss­ing. When I was done, I went to the meet­ing place be­fore the ap­pointed time. I sat at the mir­rored bar so I would have the ad­van­tage of see­ing him first.

Dan came on time, car­ry­ing a bou­quet of flow­ers and wear­ing a black sweater and jeans. I steeled my­self for his ap­proach. He spot­ted me im­me­di­ately and strode over con­fi­dently. I had my back to him and was look­ing down so he wouldn’t know it was me un­til it was too late.

‘Hello, beau­ti­ful,’ said Dan, as he tapped me on the shoul­der. Tak­ing a deep breath, I swung around and said: ‘Hello, Dan.’

I watched as his smile froze, his eyes grew wide, and he strug­gled for an ex­pla­na­tion – he said he was meet­ing friends at the club and was shocked to bump into me.

I told him to drop the act. I said I knew what he had been up to be­cause the ‘per­fect’ woman he had been con­vers­ing with online was me. I told him how I had found out about his ac­tiv­i­ties, and re­peated some of the sex­ual fan­tasies he had told me about. I ranted that I didn’t un­der­stand why he wanted to meet other women when he had me.

I didn’t give Dan a chance to ex­plain. I just wanted to get ev­ery­thing off my chest and get out of the club. I was start­ing to sob hys­ter­i­cally and didn’t want oth­ers to wit­ness my pain. They say re­venge is sweet, but all I

felt was heart­break.

Start­ing Over

Af­ter that emo­tional night, Dan tried to make amends. He pleaded for a sec­ond chance, say­ing we could work things out. But af­ter much prod­ding on my part, he ad­mit­ted to meet­ing other women online. He said he was ad­dicted to onenight stands be­cause they gave him a dif­fer­ent kind of rush com­pared with what he ex­pe­ri­enced with me.

I tried to for­give him. I felt I owed him that, given that we’d been mar­ried for over two decades. But I couldn’t erase the mem­ory of what he’d done – his be­trayal was too hard to swal­low. I couldn’t trust him, and what good is a mar­riage with­out trust?

We live sep­a­rate lives now as we wait for our di­vorce to be fi­nalised. Dan has moved out of our house, where I con­tinue to live with our son. Peo­ple tell me he’s still a par­ty­goer and is seen with dif­fer­ent women. I no longer feel pain when I hear about it – I’m just glad I don’t have to put up with it any­more.”

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