FIX HIM!

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Help Your Hubby -

But nicely, of course. Af­ter all, you’re not per­fect ei­ther. Lil­ian Loo, se­nior ther­a­pist from Reach Coun­selling, has this ad­vice, based on the re­sults of our poll.

1 HE DOESN’T RE­SPOND WHEN YOU SPEAK TO HIM Yes, it is frus­trat­ing when you have to re­peat yourself sev­eral times be­fore get­ting an an­swer from Hubby. But your spouse’s inat­ten­tive­ness doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily mean that he’s ig­nor­ing you. “Men can be­come so ab­sorbed in their tasks that they don’t want to be dis­turbed,” says Lil­ian. “If you want to catch up with him or talk to him about some­thing im­por­tant, let him know. Agree on a proper time to talk, away from the dis­trac­tions of TV or tech­nol­ogy.”

If you feel he’s un­re­spon­sive most of the time, even when he doesn’t seem to be busy, tell him how frus­trated you feel when it hap­pens. “Give con­crete ex­am­ples of the times when you talked to him and there was no re­sponse. Let him know how tir­ing it is to have to re­peat­edly ask him a ques­tion be­fore get­ting an an­swer. Hear his rea­sons why and ask that he gives you an im­me­di­ate re­ply the next time you ask him some­thing,” sug­gests Lil­ian.

2 HE’S AL­WAYS LATE

Tell him how his late­ness is af­fect­ing your life. Get him to give you a heads-up if he is run­ning late, so that you can man­age your time bet­ter.

You may also wish to add at least a 15-minute buf­fer to your ap­point­ment time with Hubby. Ar­range to meet him at 7pm if your din­ner book­ing is for 7.15pm. Even if he turns up late, you’ll still make your ini­tial reser­va­tion.

3 HE PASSES GAS AROUND YOU

If you don’t want to hurt his feel­ings, try the sub­tle ap­proach first. “Move away each time he does that – so he'll know that you find his habit of­fen­sive,” says Lil­ian. If he still doesn’t get it, then tell him di­rectly to move away from you if he needs to pass gas.

4 HE’S JUST SO FOR­GET­FUL

Con­stantly re­mind him of his ap­point­ments or tasks. “We are all con­nected by tech­nol­ogy now so just text him to jolt his mem­ory about up­com­ing events, es­pe­cially the im­por­tant ones,” ad­vises Lil­ian.

5 HE DOESN’T LIFT A FIN­GER AT HOME

“Dis­cuss how the is­sue can be dealt with to­gether,” says Lil­ian. If need be, draw up a list of weekly chores or fam­ily du­ties to be shared be­tween the two of you. “Try not to give him ul­ti­ma­tums – they may work well for some cou­ples but they can back­fire for oth­ers. It’s bet­ter to just talk to your hus­band re­spect­fully about the prob­lem and re­solve it to­gether.”

6 HE DOESN’T PICK UP AF­TER HIM­SELF

Dis­cuss a way to man­age it that will sat­isfy both your needs, urges Lil­ian. “I know some­one who shoves ev­ery­thing she picks up off the floor into a box. When the box is full, that’s the time for the ‘owner’ (her hus­band) of the items to sort out his mess. An­other friend is more

“As the lo­cal say­ing goes: Be­fore mar­riage, open your eyes. Af­ter mar­riage, close one eye. Al­though some­times, it helps to close both eyes.” – Lil­ian Loo, se­nior ther­a­pist from Reach Coun­selling

cre­ative. She bins ev­ery­thing that she picks up – her hus­band’s stuff never sees the light of day again.”

While this may seem to be the most ef­fec­tive way to get the mes­sage through to your man, it may also in­cur your spouse’s wrath, so know when and with whom to use this trick, warns Lil­ian.

7 HE PICKS HIS NOSE IN PUB­LIC

There are no two ways about this – just tell him that people can see him pick­ing his nose. So he should stop do­ing it in pub­lic, if he wants to avoid the em­bar­rass­ment of be­ing stared at. But he may not care, so be pre­pared to live with his man­ner­isms, points out Lil­ian.

8 HE LIKES TO BARGE INTO THE BATH­ROOM – WHEN YOU’RE US­ING IT

Lock the toi­let door ev­ery time! If he can’t come in, he can’t in­vade your pri­vacy.

9 HE NEVER PUTS THE TOI­LET SEAT DOWN

Put up a sign near the toi­let as a re­minder to ev­ery­one, not just Hubby. “Al­ter­na­tively, bear with each other’s habits. You, too, may not lift the toi­let seat as much as your hus­band does not put it down,” notes Lil­ian.

10 HIS OVER­ALL BAD HY­GIENE

Don’t say any­thing hurt­ful. In­stead, gen­tly talk to your spouse about the one or two habits that bother you the most – since you can’t change all of them – and think of cre­ative ways to deal with them as a cou­ple. He may sim­ply need to shower more of­ten or wear de­odor­ant.

If he re­cy­cles his worn clothes for two to three days in a row, you can help by throw­ing them into the laun­dry bas­ket each day and putting out a new set of clothes for him daily.

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